OK, lets start with a home-truth. For me, I cannot play the game without passion. I have to have my emotions on fire, to feel that DESIRE to go and really TAKE these girls.
That feeling is a feeling I love. But...its also a feeling I miss.
Let me get this straight - I'm really not interested in the mechanics of 'social dynamics', or of playing the game for the game's sake. Doesn't really interest me.
What interests me is GIRLS. Awesome awesome girls.
Lately though, I have just felt really disconnected from 'it'. Sometimes you're in a club and you're just plugged in to the sexual vibe thats going on. I haven't felt like that for quite some time.
Tonight I'm out, I'm feeling good. Sober, exercised, meditated, feel really good. Girls eyecontacting me, some girl rubs me up on the dancefloor...but I just don't feel in a social mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy...but just not feeling particularly like GRABBING THIS GIRL AND TAKING HER HOME.
A number of reasons for this:
1. Intent used to be borne out of desperation, it isn't now. I'm not desperate.
2. The fact that a girl is good looking doesn't really compell me to talk to them anymore...I've banged enough hot girls to now that looks do not an attractive character make...
3. I understand that getting into a social state takes time and effort. But really, I fucking HATE thinking that my nights out have to be 'work' in any way. I always like it more effortless.
4. I'm not interested in pulling for egos sake anymore. I've done that and it fucked with my head.
So...thats about it. Its a wierd funk I have been in for a while, that I want to shake.
Any ideas how??
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Take It To The Limit: The Eagles' Guide To Pimping
Today we will be assessing game using the medium of 70's rock legends, The Eagles.
Did you ever wonder why men born before the cultural Hiroshima/Nagasaki that was Nirvana/Radiohead seem to just have an infinitely greater perspective on women and love in general? Its not age.
No no, its The Eagles.
Take my father for instance. I thought my dad was basically just a button-down 'chode' (to use common parlance) - a nice guy but my dad. Wears anoraks, walks around mountains, likes to make sure the rubbish has been taken out before locking the doors twice and going to bed at 10pm.
Then all of a sudden, I'm 16 and he's drunk, and for some reason he tells me that, in his opinion, anal sex with girls is impractical. Then later he informs me that 'threesomes are overrated'.
I find out a couple of years later that my mum was married when he met her...WHAT THE FUCK?
And what records do we find sitting proudly in my father's vinyl collection...? Lot and lots of Eagles. A whole flock.
Much as I love the work of Messrs Cobain and Yorke, you have to have some love for The Eagles. It was as if one day they all got together and someone said, 'Right chaps. Lets take a lot of Class A drugs, drink a lot of tequila, hire a private jet, and fly around singing songs about pimping.'
It was Snoop Dogg before Snoop D-Oh-Double G was out of kids school.
Now, the Eagles did heartbreak. Boy oh boy did they do heartbreak. But you would never find them singing, 'I'm a creep, I'm a wierdo' ?
HELL NO.
When faced with a potential break-up, Glenn Frey is to be found belting out:
"Let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo"
The woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo being critical to an Eagles' life.
Glenn Frey DOES NOT ACCEPT SECOND BEST. HELL NO!
You see, life as an Eagle is simple, because its all about YOU. Its not about the girls. Sure, you will get the heartbreak, and the sadness, but its OK. In the end it all works out, because as an Eagle, you understand that the hero in this story is YOU. Later in the same song ('Already Gone'), this point is examined in depth by our resident phallic philosopher, Frey:
"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"
You see, not just anyone can be an Eagle. But, like the missionaries from the Catholic church sent to colonies in the Amazonian jungle, The Eagles descend from their lofty skies to bless us with their wisdom; to offer us a vision of life 'beyond the wall'.
It is my firm belief that The Good Prophet Don Henley sought to offer us a hand to salvation in his scripture, 'Desperado', a paean to the heartbroken man lost in the deserts of despair.
Prophet Henley begins by warning the eponymous hero that he should be careful what he pursues:
'Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet'
See, Prophet Henley has spent time around these 'Queens of Diamonds' ...he knows their game, as discussed in an earlier work ('Lyin Eyes') in which an unfaithful, money-hunting WAG unravels in an externally-validated breakdown of some magnitude. As she begins to cry, Prophet Henley arrives (on some kind of golden drumkit I imagine), to deliver the following sermon:
'My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be'
As Prophet Henley has discovered, a leopard does not change its spots. These are the '...city girls [who] just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile.' Prophet Henley has discovered this, in order to save suffering for us mere mortals ('shave time off our learning curve' - The Seduction Community, c.2006).
Returning to 'Desperado', the wanderer is forewarned to choose his women carefully:
'These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow '
So how can one redeem oneself in the eyes of Prophets Henley and Frey? The answer is revealed in a work of Tolle-esque profundity, and it is surely as simple as any of the little German herbert's teachings. In short it is:
Take it easy.
To expand fully,
'Take it easy,
Take it easy,
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.'
This message was delivered from on high by Cardinal Frey when he was facing some incredible tests:
'Well I'm running down the road, trying to loosen my load
I got seven women on my mind.
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine.'
Upon receiving and understanding the wisdom of his 'take it easy' mantra, Cardinal Frey is magically rewarded by yet more women:
'Its a girl my lord,
In a flat bed 4,
Slowing down to take a look at me.'
Did someone say 'pimp'?
Now, not all of us can lead the life of magical abundance that a true Eagle lives. Many of us picked up these vinyls in search of wisdom to lead us into the light. The world of cocaine busts and 3-way guitar solos. It is in these times, these times of transformation, that we need be most careful. For it is in these times, as noted in the sermon 'One of These Nights', that:
'Loneliness will blind you, in between the wrong and the right.'
And having heeded Prophet Henley's earlier teachings about city girls and queens of diamonds, it is only right that we truly take on board this warning, and act accordingly. This was a time in his life when he was, self-confessedly, 'searching for the daughter of the devil himself, searching for an angel in white. I [was] searching for a woman who's a little of both, I [could] feel her but she [was] nowhere in sight.'
It was in this period of wilderness, that many Eagles have been known to turn to drink. In particular, tequila. Cardinal Frey experimented with the demon drink, as recalled in his memoir 'Tequila Sunrise':
'She wasn't just another woman
And I couldn't keep from comin' on
It's been so long
Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb '
Drunk and confused, Cardinal Frey sought to find another method to feel good. These shots of courage cannot save us. The key, for any TRUE Eagle, is to understand that good feelings are born within (alternatively: take a shitload of coke). By understanding this, the young Eagle can make his way through the tough times, through the heartbreaks and the sadness, and through the pimp-concerns of 7 women.
And his reward?
The Eagle is rewarded with a woman and a relationship based on wholly good feelings. He is no longer searching for someone to 'complete' him; merely someone who can add to him. The revered 'Peaceful Easy Feeling' defines this:
"I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the
ground
And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
Ah, but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
and I gotta peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground"
So there you have it, The Eagles' Guide To Pimping.
:)
Did you ever wonder why men born before the cultural Hiroshima/Nagasaki that was Nirvana/Radiohead seem to just have an infinitely greater perspective on women and love in general? Its not age.
No no, its The Eagles.
Take my father for instance. I thought my dad was basically just a button-down 'chode' (to use common parlance) - a nice guy but my dad. Wears anoraks, walks around mountains, likes to make sure the rubbish has been taken out before locking the doors twice and going to bed at 10pm.
Then all of a sudden, I'm 16 and he's drunk, and for some reason he tells me that, in his opinion, anal sex with girls is impractical. Then later he informs me that 'threesomes are overrated'.
I find out a couple of years later that my mum was married when he met her...WHAT THE FUCK?
And what records do we find sitting proudly in my father's vinyl collection...? Lot and lots of Eagles. A whole flock.
Much as I love the work of Messrs Cobain and Yorke, you have to have some love for The Eagles. It was as if one day they all got together and someone said, 'Right chaps. Lets take a lot of Class A drugs, drink a lot of tequila, hire a private jet, and fly around singing songs about pimping.'
It was Snoop Dogg before Snoop D-Oh-Double G was out of kids school.
Now, the Eagles did heartbreak. Boy oh boy did they do heartbreak. But you would never find them singing, 'I'm a creep, I'm a wierdo' ?
HELL NO.
When faced with a potential break-up, Glenn Frey is to be found belting out:
"Let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo"
The woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo being critical to an Eagles' life.
Glenn Frey DOES NOT ACCEPT SECOND BEST. HELL NO!
You see, life as an Eagle is simple, because its all about YOU. Its not about the girls. Sure, you will get the heartbreak, and the sadness, but its OK. In the end it all works out, because as an Eagle, you understand that the hero in this story is YOU. Later in the same song ('Already Gone'), this point is examined in depth by our resident phallic philosopher, Frey:
"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"
You see, not just anyone can be an Eagle. But, like the missionaries from the Catholic church sent to colonies in the Amazonian jungle, The Eagles descend from their lofty skies to bless us with their wisdom; to offer us a vision of life 'beyond the wall'.
It is my firm belief that The Good Prophet Don Henley sought to offer us a hand to salvation in his scripture, 'Desperado', a paean to the heartbroken man lost in the deserts of despair.
Prophet Henley begins by warning the eponymous hero that he should be careful what he pursues:
'Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet'
See, Prophet Henley has spent time around these 'Queens of Diamonds' ...he knows their game, as discussed in an earlier work ('Lyin Eyes') in which an unfaithful, money-hunting WAG unravels in an externally-validated breakdown of some magnitude. As she begins to cry, Prophet Henley arrives (on some kind of golden drumkit I imagine), to deliver the following sermon:
'My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be'
As Prophet Henley has discovered, a leopard does not change its spots. These are the '...city girls [who] just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile.' Prophet Henley has discovered this, in order to save suffering for us mere mortals ('shave time off our learning curve' - The Seduction Community, c.2006).
Returning to 'Desperado', the wanderer is forewarned to choose his women carefully:
'These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow '
So how can one redeem oneself in the eyes of Prophets Henley and Frey? The answer is revealed in a work of Tolle-esque profundity, and it is surely as simple as any of the little German herbert's teachings. In short it is:
Take it easy.
To expand fully,
'Take it easy,
Take it easy,
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.'
This message was delivered from on high by Cardinal Frey when he was facing some incredible tests:
'Well I'm running down the road, trying to loosen my load
I got seven women on my mind.
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine.'
Upon receiving and understanding the wisdom of his 'take it easy' mantra, Cardinal Frey is magically rewarded by yet more women:
'Its a girl my lord,
In a flat bed 4,
Slowing down to take a look at me.'
Did someone say 'pimp'?
Now, not all of us can lead the life of magical abundance that a true Eagle lives. Many of us picked up these vinyls in search of wisdom to lead us into the light. The world of cocaine busts and 3-way guitar solos. It is in these times, these times of transformation, that we need be most careful. For it is in these times, as noted in the sermon 'One of These Nights', that:
'Loneliness will blind you, in between the wrong and the right.'
And having heeded Prophet Henley's earlier teachings about city girls and queens of diamonds, it is only right that we truly take on board this warning, and act accordingly. This was a time in his life when he was, self-confessedly, 'searching for the daughter of the devil himself, searching for an angel in white. I [was] searching for a woman who's a little of both, I [could] feel her but she [was] nowhere in sight.'
It was in this period of wilderness, that many Eagles have been known to turn to drink. In particular, tequila. Cardinal Frey experimented with the demon drink, as recalled in his memoir 'Tequila Sunrise':
'She wasn't just another woman
And I couldn't keep from comin' on
It's been so long
Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb '
Drunk and confused, Cardinal Frey sought to find another method to feel good. These shots of courage cannot save us. The key, for any TRUE Eagle, is to understand that good feelings are born within (alternatively: take a shitload of coke). By understanding this, the young Eagle can make his way through the tough times, through the heartbreaks and the sadness, and through the pimp-concerns of 7 women.
And his reward?
The Eagle is rewarded with a woman and a relationship based on wholly good feelings. He is no longer searching for someone to 'complete' him; merely someone who can add to him. The revered 'Peaceful Easy Feeling' defines this:
"I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the
ground
And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
Ah, but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
and I gotta peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground"
So there you have it, The Eagles' Guide To Pimping.
:)
Saturday, 7 February 2009
New Opener - Field Tested
Hello
so me and Flower came up with a particularly genius new opener last night. It was our only opener for the night, and was about 85% succesful. Goes something like this:
"Hey guys, quick question. Do you know that Skynet has become self-aware?"
BEAUTIFUL
hahahaha :)
Inspired by Christian "I'll kick your fuckin' ass" Bale.
so me and Flower came up with a particularly genius new opener last night. It was our only opener for the night, and was about 85% succesful. Goes something like this:
"Hey guys, quick question. Do you know that Skynet has become self-aware?"
BEAUTIFUL
hahahaha :)
Inspired by Christian "I'll kick your fuckin' ass" Bale.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Sorted...;)
I suppose a lot of my posts since my visit to 'LTR-land' have seemed kinda doubtful about 'where to go'. I remember Lowdash and a few others picked this up when I asked for questions on my 1-year since bootcamp thread.
Here's the thing...for me its always felt kinda wierd being in this community. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I have met a lot of great friends, but something always seems kinda off. I can't really explain it beyond that, except that I suppose pornography is wierd in a similar way. Everyone does it but no-one talks about it.
Anyway, the thought on my mind has been about whether to go further in or further out of the community. Yeah, I realise this is presumably looking at it more dramatically than maybe I should, but look...I'm an obsessive learner. When I was at uni, I studied guitar with a metronome for 7 hours a day. No reason, I just liked to. That obsessive streak carried over into PU.
Which was good for a while. I would go out, sleep, go to the office and spend the whole day reading mASF archives, go home, hit the forum, go out. This was entirely necessary as a newbie starting out from nothing.
The irony was that, even through all this, I would be reading posts which said 'develop your life'. And all I really had was PU. I quit my band, broke up with my girlfriend...and the one thing that was left was the faceless hordes in each identikit club across the country.
Now, I had GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME, haha. But there comes a point when you think, '...and?'. I mean, yes, I can get laid. So what?
There was talk of the internship in London with RSD, which would have been cool. But the recession hit, the jobs in London I wanted went, and RSD starting making cutbacks. To go down this route, would have been to get further into the game.
So I started thinking about the other. Coming away from the boards, like a baby getting past sucking its dummy. Kinda scary, kinda wierd thought for an obsessive soul like me. If I wasn't out in the clubs, I was on the boards. If I wasn't on the boards and was, say, watching a film or reading a book, my mind would be joining the dots between that story and whichever theory I was hot on at the time.
TBH...this kinda thinking wore me out. I don't know any naturals that read this shit. I don't really see much value in the boards anyway (long gone are the glory days of Jack Diesel, Westley Pipes, Pimpski), and there's a curiously misogynistic undertone. A shitheap of negativity. Which was getting into my personality and coming out in my interactions. JADED...
I thought about it some more. That external part of me - 'game' is on lockdown. Sorted. The interal part of me will always grow. But is that growth being held back by the same thing that purports to develop it?
I will always remember Tim saying, 'to seek to be a natural is to deny that you are already one'.
So why on earth was I studying this shit all day?? What message was that sending out to my subconscious?
Add the latent macho self-aggrandisement and I had enough reasons to take a little raincheck on the obsession.
Its almost wierd feeling to me. Like, I'm just 'me' now. There are no great tactics. I mean, we are supposed to model ourselves on the dudes we want to be like, and fuck all guys I want to be like spends hours poring over forums about TRYING to pickup girls.
To me, those early 18 months were critical...it provided the platform. But that platform is useless without being built upon. And that building comes through life, development, and personal excellence.
I've always felt like PU was like the film 'Face/Off'. Slightly odd analogy, but what I mean was that it was about bringing new qualities and aligning them with your old core passions.
I've done stuff like this before but I'm really going at it now. I've banned RSDN because, frankly, I was there too much. I'm going to my meditation classes and starting to meditate daily. I'm exercising. I've bought tons of new clothes and stocked my wardrobe. I've cleaned my room and wiped the crap (not literally, obv...) off the walls. I am seeing the value for ME in exercising, eating well and getting an early night, as opposed to 'trying to pickup chicks'.
I'm making sure to cook myself a meal every day, even when I can't be arsed. Because it makes me feel good. I'm reading Tony Robbins and have set up a book club about that. I've rejoined Amnesty International. And most importantly I AM STUDYING MY MUSIC AGAIN
I am starting to get my passion back for music, I'm starting toget that itch again ;)
As Jedi always told me, 'BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!!!'
The purpose of all this is simple: FEEL GOOD. And by that, bring good feelings into the lives of those around me. Because really getting laid is fun but its not like this 48hr 'buzz' that it used to be. Its just like playing a fun computer game or something.
So I'm turning my life into a state-generating machine, for me.
Peace
PS. I realise this sounds a lot like Jeffy's speech in Transformations. I have not been at this for as long as that man, but yeah, it does ring true.
Here's the thing...for me its always felt kinda wierd being in this community. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I have met a lot of great friends, but something always seems kinda off. I can't really explain it beyond that, except that I suppose pornography is wierd in a similar way. Everyone does it but no-one talks about it.
Anyway, the thought on my mind has been about whether to go further in or further out of the community. Yeah, I realise this is presumably looking at it more dramatically than maybe I should, but look...I'm an obsessive learner. When I was at uni, I studied guitar with a metronome for 7 hours a day. No reason, I just liked to. That obsessive streak carried over into PU.
Which was good for a while. I would go out, sleep, go to the office and spend the whole day reading mASF archives, go home, hit the forum, go out. This was entirely necessary as a newbie starting out from nothing.
The irony was that, even through all this, I would be reading posts which said 'develop your life'. And all I really had was PU. I quit my band, broke up with my girlfriend...and the one thing that was left was the faceless hordes in each identikit club across the country.
Now, I had GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME, haha. But there comes a point when you think, '...and?'. I mean, yes, I can get laid. So what?
There was talk of the internship in London with RSD, which would have been cool. But the recession hit, the jobs in London I wanted went, and RSD starting making cutbacks. To go down this route, would have been to get further into the game.
So I started thinking about the other. Coming away from the boards, like a baby getting past sucking its dummy. Kinda scary, kinda wierd thought for an obsessive soul like me. If I wasn't out in the clubs, I was on the boards. If I wasn't on the boards and was, say, watching a film or reading a book, my mind would be joining the dots between that story and whichever theory I was hot on at the time.
TBH...this kinda thinking wore me out. I don't know any naturals that read this shit. I don't really see much value in the boards anyway (long gone are the glory days of Jack Diesel, Westley Pipes, Pimpski), and there's a curiously misogynistic undertone. A shitheap of negativity. Which was getting into my personality and coming out in my interactions. JADED...
I thought about it some more. That external part of me - 'game' is on lockdown. Sorted. The interal part of me will always grow. But is that growth being held back by the same thing that purports to develop it?
I will always remember Tim saying, 'to seek to be a natural is to deny that you are already one'.
So why on earth was I studying this shit all day?? What message was that sending out to my subconscious?
Add the latent macho self-aggrandisement and I had enough reasons to take a little raincheck on the obsession.
Its almost wierd feeling to me. Like, I'm just 'me' now. There are no great tactics. I mean, we are supposed to model ourselves on the dudes we want to be like, and fuck all guys I want to be like spends hours poring over forums about TRYING to pickup girls.
To me, those early 18 months were critical...it provided the platform. But that platform is useless without being built upon. And that building comes through life, development, and personal excellence.
I've always felt like PU was like the film 'Face/Off'. Slightly odd analogy, but what I mean was that it was about bringing new qualities and aligning them with your old core passions.
I've done stuff like this before but I'm really going at it now. I've banned RSDN because, frankly, I was there too much. I'm going to my meditation classes and starting to meditate daily. I'm exercising. I've bought tons of new clothes and stocked my wardrobe. I've cleaned my room and wiped the crap (not literally, obv...) off the walls. I am seeing the value for ME in exercising, eating well and getting an early night, as opposed to 'trying to pickup chicks'.
I'm making sure to cook myself a meal every day, even when I can't be arsed. Because it makes me feel good. I'm reading Tony Robbins and have set up a book club about that. I've rejoined Amnesty International. And most importantly I AM STUDYING MY MUSIC AGAIN
I am starting to get my passion back for music, I'm starting toget that itch again ;)
As Jedi always told me, 'BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!!!'
The purpose of all this is simple: FEEL GOOD. And by that, bring good feelings into the lives of those around me. Because really getting laid is fun but its not like this 48hr 'buzz' that it used to be. Its just like playing a fun computer game or something.
So I'm turning my life into a state-generating machine, for me.
Peace
PS. I realise this sounds a lot like Jeffy's speech in Transformations. I have not been at this for as long as that man, but yeah, it does ring true.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Confusion - more game, or less game?
Blunt post...
At this point, 18 months 'in', I'm quite confused as to where I want to go with game. Part of me thinks it would be cool to go even further in and become some technical super-game wizard, but part of me just thinks it pretty much unnecessary. Theory intrigues me but also really turns me off. Same thing with the 'community', at times I think its cool and constructive but at times it just seems immature and kinda gay (Red haired goth girl etc)
So it feels a bit like a crossroads. I'm doing well, pulling regularly, but i'm not sure whether to go further in, or just move on. Is game helping me or holding me back? Because it still seems very much in the community that there is a culture of trying to get girls, which to me feels really really unnatural. Of course i am focusing on my life and building up *me*, but its me IRL, not me as a PUA.
Thoughts appreciated.
At this point, 18 months 'in', I'm quite confused as to where I want to go with game. Part of me thinks it would be cool to go even further in and become some technical super-game wizard, but part of me just thinks it pretty much unnecessary. Theory intrigues me but also really turns me off. Same thing with the 'community', at times I think its cool and constructive but at times it just seems immature and kinda gay (Red haired goth girl etc)
So it feels a bit like a crossroads. I'm doing well, pulling regularly, but i'm not sure whether to go further in, or just move on. Is game helping me or holding me back? Because it still seems very much in the community that there is a culture of trying to get girls, which to me feels really really unnatural. Of course i am focusing on my life and building up *me*, but its me IRL, not me as a PUA.
Thoughts appreciated.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
At the minute, I'm really not into learning game. Sure, I go out, but its been so long since I read a tactic or line or anything like that. It just doesn't really interest me.
My primary focus is putting myself in the right state and then going from there. It all tends to fall into place. I consider myself a natural.
If I use 'the game', its more the morning after to see what worked and what didn't.
Sometimes things just work so easy, and sometimes they do not. Throughout it all, its important to stay chill.
3 examples from last night:
1. I was with girl #1, lets call her Stacy. Stacy has a boyfriend but wants to go home with me. We've been setting up logistics. Forget 'boyfriend-destroyers', she's done it all of her own accord. I have fucked this girl previous and she's telling me how good it is.
So Stacy introduces me to her friends. First girl, hug and a kiss, second girl, hug and a kiss, third girl just takes me and makes out with me. WTF. I did nothing.
So that was the good part. But the bad part is when another of her friends keeps reminding her of being faithful, and eventually physically pulls her away from me. We promise to text each other in a bit, but there's no signal in the club.
2. Flower had come out with us, which was fucking ace. Top bloke! He opens a seated two-set; he's doing great but the friend is clearly feeling left out. So I open her with, 'Aw...left out?' Boom, I am in.
CLAW CLAW CLAW, God I love the claw. It is a great thing.
Another friend comes over and says: "KATY...You have a BOYFRIEND" then goes away. I say, 'Boyfriend?' and she says, 'Yes, and he didn't even make any effort to come home for my birthday', as she rubs her hand up the inside of my thigh.
Er...ONnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Anyway I kiss this girl and she's a bit like 'whoa' about it but stays there so its clearly all good. Unfortunately things get a bit wierd as the angry friend and the girl's COUSIN turn up and stand above us as we are cuddling, looking down at us with angry looks. This eventually wierds the girls out enough to leave. Ouch.
3. Girl is dressed up in army clothes fancy dress walks past. I take her hat off her head. Leads to a lot of cocky banter. Example, she is studying to be a dentist so I keep criticising her teeth. However I used to often stall out in this 'attraction' phase, so I came up with a little solution that goes like this:
"OK we can be nice now"
"Huh?"
"Yeah I'm serious, we can be nice."
Then usually from there I'll just ask legit questions, isolate, and escalate. It turns quite cherishy at that point, the plastic romance of a nightclub. It has to be at the right point though; when you know her buying temp is high enough to pull but she knows nothing about you - its like a way to legislate flash game to a more succesful consistent pull.
Usually I tell her she can ask three questions about me and I will answer honestly. This girl, the first question she asks is:
"Where do you live?"
;)
So I go for extraction pretty fast on this girl, its about 1am. When I tell her we need to go I can straight away see the LMR alarm about to go off so I quickly switch to, 'Yeah Im hungry, gotta get the food"
Pull her out the club. Makeouts and a bit of fingering at the cashpoint, classy.
Walk through the city with our arms round each other, getting to know this girl. Its going swimmingly, until her girlfriend cockblock of DOOM calls up when we are in the taxi. She's having some urgent girl drama, tears and all that, and instead of getting my girl back to mine I have to drop her off at her friends. Oooooooooooooouch.
Still, get the number. When I put the wrong numbers in she was quick to correct me. Texted her up when I got back, she replied. So basically, what was flash game initially (i.e. open --> makeout in under two minutes) became more solid and is now a legitimate girl texting me open to the possibility of a date.
Anyway, the theme of the night, you win some you lose some, shit happens. But if you stay happy and chill, the girls are going to want to stay in touch with you.
Peace!
My primary focus is putting myself in the right state and then going from there. It all tends to fall into place. I consider myself a natural.
If I use 'the game', its more the morning after to see what worked and what didn't.
Sometimes things just work so easy, and sometimes they do not. Throughout it all, its important to stay chill.
3 examples from last night:
1. I was with girl #1, lets call her Stacy. Stacy has a boyfriend but wants to go home with me. We've been setting up logistics. Forget 'boyfriend-destroyers', she's done it all of her own accord. I have fucked this girl previous and she's telling me how good it is.
So Stacy introduces me to her friends. First girl, hug and a kiss, second girl, hug and a kiss, third girl just takes me and makes out with me. WTF. I did nothing.
So that was the good part. But the bad part is when another of her friends keeps reminding her of being faithful, and eventually physically pulls her away from me. We promise to text each other in a bit, but there's no signal in the club.
2. Flower had come out with us, which was fucking ace. Top bloke! He opens a seated two-set; he's doing great but the friend is clearly feeling left out. So I open her with, 'Aw...left out?' Boom, I am in.
CLAW CLAW CLAW, God I love the claw. It is a great thing.
Another friend comes over and says: "KATY...You have a BOYFRIEND" then goes away. I say, 'Boyfriend?' and she says, 'Yes, and he didn't even make any effort to come home for my birthday', as she rubs her hand up the inside of my thigh.
Er...ONnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Anyway I kiss this girl and she's a bit like 'whoa' about it but stays there so its clearly all good. Unfortunately things get a bit wierd as the angry friend and the girl's COUSIN turn up and stand above us as we are cuddling, looking down at us with angry looks. This eventually wierds the girls out enough to leave. Ouch.
3. Girl is dressed up in army clothes fancy dress walks past. I take her hat off her head. Leads to a lot of cocky banter. Example, she is studying to be a dentist so I keep criticising her teeth. However I used to often stall out in this 'attraction' phase, so I came up with a little solution that goes like this:
"OK we can be nice now"
"Huh?"
"Yeah I'm serious, we can be nice."
Then usually from there I'll just ask legit questions, isolate, and escalate. It turns quite cherishy at that point, the plastic romance of a nightclub. It has to be at the right point though; when you know her buying temp is high enough to pull but she knows nothing about you - its like a way to legislate flash game to a more succesful consistent pull.
Usually I tell her she can ask three questions about me and I will answer honestly. This girl, the first question she asks is:
"Where do you live?"
;)
So I go for extraction pretty fast on this girl, its about 1am. When I tell her we need to go I can straight away see the LMR alarm about to go off so I quickly switch to, 'Yeah Im hungry, gotta get the food"
Pull her out the club. Makeouts and a bit of fingering at the cashpoint, classy.
Walk through the city with our arms round each other, getting to know this girl. Its going swimmingly, until her girlfriend cockblock of DOOM calls up when we are in the taxi. She's having some urgent girl drama, tears and all that, and instead of getting my girl back to mine I have to drop her off at her friends. Oooooooooooooouch.
Still, get the number. When I put the wrong numbers in she was quick to correct me. Texted her up when I got back, she replied. So basically, what was flash game initially (i.e. open --> makeout in under two minutes) became more solid and is now a legitimate girl texting me open to the possibility of a date.
Anyway, the theme of the night, you win some you lose some, shit happens. But if you stay happy and chill, the girls are going to want to stay in touch with you.
Peace!
Thursday, 22 January 2009
The "Gay For Tony Robbins" Book Club...#1
If you've ever watched 'Worlds Strongest Man', you'll be familiar with the Atlas Stones. These stones, presumably made up but titled to indicate some semblance of mythological importance, have to be lifted up onto podiums above the contestants' shoulders. And of course, they get heavier and heavier. The final stone weighs about 67 tonnes. Allegedly.
In literary terms, Tony Robbins' 'Awaken the Giant Within' is my final Atlas Stone. Its big, and its clever. One of those books I get halfway through then my mind just permanently goes on vacation until, one day, I decide to read it again yet completely forget what I had read previously, and start again until the brain vacates once again later down the line. I had been planning to maintain this Sisyphean task until, ooh, at least my mid-thirties, but once I found out Chris had been recommended to read the very same book at the behest of Ozzie, I decided we could support and nurture ourselves through this arduous task...
I'm joking - its a great book. But we are working through two chapters each week, then setting goals and having discussion once a week on what we had just read. It gives us some more accountability, plus helps us learn and get more familiar with each concept.
This week, we finished reading Chapter 6. Here are my notes (Chris, the tasks for next week are at the bottom!):
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6:
"How To Change Anything In Your Life: The Science of Neuro-Associative Conditioning"
-Pleasure and pain are the primary motivating factors in our lives
-People will sometimes use abusive and destructive behavioural patterns to take them pain to pleasure
-These behaviours become strengthened through repetition.
Tony Robbins proposes a six-step method to changing unhelpful behaviour patterns in our lives:
STEP ONE
"Decide What You Really Want & What's Preventing You From Having It Now"
-We get whatever we focus on in life. If we focus on what we don't want, we'll have more of it.
-The first step to creating any change is deciding what you do want so that you have something to move towards.
-We also need to identify what it is that is preventing us from having what we want, or from making the changes necessary to get what we want - is it fear of pain, the unknown, laziness?
STEP TWO
"Get Leverage!"
-Change is not a question of capability but a question of motivation.
-The only way we're going to make a change NOW is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we are compelled to follow through.
-It is not a question of whether we can do it, but rather a question of whether we will do it. Whether we will or not comes down to our level of motivation, which in turn comes down to the twin powers of pleasure and pain.
-We have mixed emotions when we link both pain and pleasure to changing (think: approach anxiety), which causes our brain to be uncertain as to what to do. This keeps us from fully harnessing the incredible power of our brains for the capacity to change.
-The concept of the PAIN THRESHOLD - when it is no longer about wanting to change, or understanding that you should change. The pain threshold is crossed when we know at our deepest emotional and most basic sensory level that we simply must change.
-Great quote: "He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how"
-The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. From knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards in life is the ultimate pain.
-Tony advocates asking pain-inducing questions about the cost of not changing: "What will this cost me if I don't change?" Most of us are so busy estimating the price of change that we don't ever consider the price of not changing.
-We should also consider the effects of our not-changing on the greater ecosystems of our lives (friends, family, relationships etc).
-Then Tony asks us to ask pleasure-associating questions to the idea of making the change: "How will it make me feel about myself?" etc.
The key is to get lots of reasons, or better yet, strong enough reasons, why the change should take place immediately, not someday in the future. If you are not driven to make the change right now, then you don't really have leverage.
STEP THREE:
"Interrupt The Limiting Pattern"
In this section Tony develops the idea of how constant repetition of behaviourally-conditioned actions strengthens them and reduces our ability to control them.
-What you must do is reorganize your neural pathways so that they consistently guide you in the directions of your desires rather than your frustrations and fears.
Tony refers to the metaphor of a record player - how it plays the same each time the needle hits the groove. What happens though, if we were to scratch over that record, dozens of times, back and forth? Would it still play the same?
This is an important technique in getting over self-defeating tendencies. People can also derive benefit from the very thing they seek to change (pity, attention, self-righteousness etc).
One way we can 'scratch the record' is by committing to a bizarre turn of behaviour each time the pattern begins:
-jumping in the air singing HALLELUJAH
-sticking our fingers in our noses
etc
Tony also talks about the 'Scramble Pattern', which is great, but is described perfectly in the book (p.133).
STEP FOUR
"Create a New, Empowering Alternative"
This is crucial, because clearly the old habit gave us some benefit. We need to find another, more healthy way, to receive that benefit.
-The failure by most people to find an alternative way of getting out of pain and into the feelings of pleasure is the major reason most people's attempts at change are only temporary.
-Linking pain, interrupting patterns etc is futile if you have nothing to replace the old pattern!
-Remember, all of your neurological patterns are designed to help you get out of pain and into pleasure. These patterns are well established, and while they may have negative side effects, if you've learned that a habit can get you out of pain, you'll go back to it again and again since you've found no better way to get the feelings you desire.
-If we are stuck for ways to find that alternative, model people who have turned things around for themselves.
STEP FIVE:
"Condition The New Pattern Until It's Consistent"
-The simplest way to condition something is simply to rehearse it again and again until a neurological way is created. If you find an empowering alternative, imagine doing it until you see that it can get you out of pain and into pleasure quickly.
-If you rehearse the new, empowering alternative again and again with tremendous emotional intensity, you'll carve out a pathway, and with even more repetition and emotion, it will become a highway to this new way of achieving results, and it will become a part of your habitual behaviour. Remember, your brain can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience.
-Realise that you and I can condition any behaviour within ourselves if we do it with enough repetition and emotional intensity.
-Then we need to set up a schedule for immediate reinforcement of our new behaviours. Set up short-term goals and as they are met, reward ourselves immediately.
-Any pattern of emotion or behaviour that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.
**The most important thing to remember about conditioning, is to reinforce the desired behaviour immediately. The minute you find yourself responding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Remember, each time you create a strong emotional feeling, either positive or negative, you're creating a connection in your nervous system.
Conditioning is critical. This is how we produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern of emotional behaviour that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis will become conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.**
STEP SIX:
"Test It!"
-We need to test our response to see if it has become conditioned. One way of doing this is by 'future pacing'. This means that you imagine the situation that used to frustrate you, for example, and notice if in fact it still makes you feel frustrated or if your new pattern of feeling "fascinated" has replace it.
-In addition, you must test the ecology of the change you've just made. What will the impact of these changes you've made in yourself have on those around you? Make certain that this new pattern will be appropriate, based on your current lifestyle, beliefs and values.
Thats it! This book is great, if rather dense. Finding someone who can read it along with you makes it much more fun and involving.
STUDY FOR NEXT WEEK:
In literary terms, Tony Robbins' 'Awaken the Giant Within' is my final Atlas Stone. Its big, and its clever. One of those books I get halfway through then my mind just permanently goes on vacation until, one day, I decide to read it again yet completely forget what I had read previously, and start again until the brain vacates once again later down the line. I had been planning to maintain this Sisyphean task until, ooh, at least my mid-thirties, but once I found out Chris had been recommended to read the very same book at the behest of Ozzie, I decided we could support and nurture ourselves through this arduous task...
I'm joking - its a great book. But we are working through two chapters each week, then setting goals and having discussion once a week on what we had just read. It gives us some more accountability, plus helps us learn and get more familiar with each concept.
This week, we finished reading Chapter 6. Here are my notes (Chris, the tasks for next week are at the bottom!):
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6:
"How To Change Anything In Your Life: The Science of Neuro-Associative Conditioning"
-Pleasure and pain are the primary motivating factors in our lives
-People will sometimes use abusive and destructive behavioural patterns to take them pain to pleasure
-These behaviours become strengthened through repetition.
Tony Robbins proposes a six-step method to changing unhelpful behaviour patterns in our lives:
STEP ONE
"Decide What You Really Want & What's Preventing You From Having It Now"
-We get whatever we focus on in life. If we focus on what we don't want, we'll have more of it.
-The first step to creating any change is deciding what you do want so that you have something to move towards.
-We also need to identify what it is that is preventing us from having what we want, or from making the changes necessary to get what we want - is it fear of pain, the unknown, laziness?
STEP TWO
"Get Leverage!"
-Change is not a question of capability but a question of motivation.
-The only way we're going to make a change NOW is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we are compelled to follow through.
-It is not a question of whether we can do it, but rather a question of whether we will do it. Whether we will or not comes down to our level of motivation, which in turn comes down to the twin powers of pleasure and pain.
-We have mixed emotions when we link both pain and pleasure to changing (think: approach anxiety), which causes our brain to be uncertain as to what to do. This keeps us from fully harnessing the incredible power of our brains for the capacity to change.
-The concept of the PAIN THRESHOLD - when it is no longer about wanting to change, or understanding that you should change. The pain threshold is crossed when we know at our deepest emotional and most basic sensory level that we simply must change.
-Great quote: "He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how"
-The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. From knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards in life is the ultimate pain.
-Tony advocates asking pain-inducing questions about the cost of not changing: "What will this cost me if I don't change?" Most of us are so busy estimating the price of change that we don't ever consider the price of not changing.
-We should also consider the effects of our not-changing on the greater ecosystems of our lives (friends, family, relationships etc).
-Then Tony asks us to ask pleasure-associating questions to the idea of making the change: "How will it make me feel about myself?" etc.
The key is to get lots of reasons, or better yet, strong enough reasons, why the change should take place immediately, not someday in the future. If you are not driven to make the change right now, then you don't really have leverage.
STEP THREE:
"Interrupt The Limiting Pattern"
In this section Tony develops the idea of how constant repetition of behaviourally-conditioned actions strengthens them and reduces our ability to control them.
-What you must do is reorganize your neural pathways so that they consistently guide you in the directions of your desires rather than your frustrations and fears.
Tony refers to the metaphor of a record player - how it plays the same each time the needle hits the groove. What happens though, if we were to scratch over that record, dozens of times, back and forth? Would it still play the same?
This is an important technique in getting over self-defeating tendencies. People can also derive benefit from the very thing they seek to change (pity, attention, self-righteousness etc).
One way we can 'scratch the record' is by committing to a bizarre turn of behaviour each time the pattern begins:
-jumping in the air singing HALLELUJAH
-sticking our fingers in our noses
etc
Tony also talks about the 'Scramble Pattern', which is great, but is described perfectly in the book (p.133).
STEP FOUR
"Create a New, Empowering Alternative"
This is crucial, because clearly the old habit gave us some benefit. We need to find another, more healthy way, to receive that benefit.
-The failure by most people to find an alternative way of getting out of pain and into the feelings of pleasure is the major reason most people's attempts at change are only temporary.
-Linking pain, interrupting patterns etc is futile if you have nothing to replace the old pattern!
-Remember, all of your neurological patterns are designed to help you get out of pain and into pleasure. These patterns are well established, and while they may have negative side effects, if you've learned that a habit can get you out of pain, you'll go back to it again and again since you've found no better way to get the feelings you desire.
-If we are stuck for ways to find that alternative, model people who have turned things around for themselves.
STEP FIVE:
"Condition The New Pattern Until It's Consistent"
-The simplest way to condition something is simply to rehearse it again and again until a neurological way is created. If you find an empowering alternative, imagine doing it until you see that it can get you out of pain and into pleasure quickly.
-If you rehearse the new, empowering alternative again and again with tremendous emotional intensity, you'll carve out a pathway, and with even more repetition and emotion, it will become a highway to this new way of achieving results, and it will become a part of your habitual behaviour. Remember, your brain can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience.
-Realise that you and I can condition any behaviour within ourselves if we do it with enough repetition and emotional intensity.
-Then we need to set up a schedule for immediate reinforcement of our new behaviours. Set up short-term goals and as they are met, reward ourselves immediately.
-Any pattern of emotion or behaviour that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.
**The most important thing to remember about conditioning, is to reinforce the desired behaviour immediately. The minute you find yourself responding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Remember, each time you create a strong emotional feeling, either positive or negative, you're creating a connection in your nervous system.
Conditioning is critical. This is how we produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern of emotional behaviour that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis will become conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.**
STEP SIX:
"Test It!"
-We need to test our response to see if it has become conditioned. One way of doing this is by 'future pacing'. This means that you imagine the situation that used to frustrate you, for example, and notice if in fact it still makes you feel frustrated or if your new pattern of feeling "fascinated" has replace it.
-In addition, you must test the ecology of the change you've just made. What will the impact of these changes you've made in yourself have on those around you? Make certain that this new pattern will be appropriate, based on your current lifestyle, beliefs and values.
Thats it! This book is great, if rather dense. Finding someone who can read it along with you makes it much more fun and involving.
STUDY FOR NEXT WEEK:
- Read Chapters 7 & 8
- Bring one example of a belief you failed to reinforce, that dissipated, and an example of a new belief you have been able to install in yourself
- Identify ONE negative behaviour pattern and apply the NAC six-step model to it. Make the commitment to following the model for as long as it takes. We will discuss this at the next book group meeting.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Meditation Class #1
So I went to my first meditation class today. There's a place, about 20 minutes walk from my house, that is run on donations and offers all kinds of Buddhist activities.
I went because it still feels like my heart is in a knot. There are things that I have created, or have been created around me, that I had no clue how to deal with. And having control over my self is something important to me.
I had no real idea what to expect. Of course, like any half-cocked follower of Real Social Dynamics, I had read some Eckhart Tolle. But this was a true Buddhist meditation. I was mildly concerned that I'd be having to chant 'jai guru de'va' etc etc with tiny cymbals attached to my fingers, but I figured EVEN if that did happen...it would just be a funny story.
I knew that there was, of course, the opportunity that this might - just might - be a life-changing opportunity on my doorstep.
When I got there, I felt a bit like Damien from The Omen. I mean, everyone was so chilled out. As we went into the first guided meditation, my heart felt like it wanted to pop out of my chest. I had meditated a little before, but not like this. All the stress and bad chemicals around my heart were just...there. Our 'guru' (I don't even know what the proper name is for a Buddhist teacher) Sherab told us to observe the thoughts and feelings, and then experiment with staying with them, and letting them go. This was a preparatory meditative exercise.
I started feeling better, and exercising some jurisdiction over my internal state for once. Look, I know we read all this Tolle and Alan Watts and David Deida and every other guru around, but it is a different thing entirely to be within it's presence. It is similar to reading RSDN daily or simply doing a bootcamp. You could spend 3 hours every day on RSDN for your life and still not understand the concepts as clearly and as deeply as if you did a one-weekend bootcamp.
After 10-15 minutes, we came out of the meditation and Sherab and the group talked about two concepts vital to our ability to meditative success:
1. We have to want to be happy
2. We have to have belief
Sherab talked about how so many people don't truly 100% believe that simple meditation can provide them with happiness. That they still believe, even if only slightly, that some other external object is required for happiness. This kind of thinking will prevent succesful meditation. We have to believe - even to pretend for a short while - that our meditation can give us happiness.
We then went on a second guided meditation, this time much more deeply into the inner body, and our heart chakras. It was my heart chakra that was so tied up with anxiety beforehand, so at first this felt pretty uncomfortable. After 10 minutes or so, I started to feel better and the anxiety began to dissipate.
This was a longer meditation, and one I did not want to come out of. But we did, and then we shared a large group discussion on pride and humility.
This, if anyone has been reading my posts on RSDN, is a topic close to my heart. I've been very guilty of being very proud in the recent past.
I offered my perspective, that we as people put up walls so that, whilst I cannot get OUT to other people, nor can they get IN to me. What is a safety mechanism ends up restricting you and in fact making you deeply unhappy. That we seek to judge people as quick as possible so therefore they lose the 'power' to judge US; that I have subjugated them so their opinion will be worthless to me whatever.
Of course, this is a fallacy because it is built on insecurity and a bedrock of negative emotions so it only ever really makes us unhappy.
Ivan talked about the importance of understanding where things come from. The part that every person has to play in the process of this world. How even a checkout girl is important to us and our daily existence.
Sarah talked about how a Big Issue seller she used to walk past everyday on the way to her sales job, was actually a far better salesperson than her, when she took the time to get to know her. The difference was that their circumstances had simply been different. Is this something we should judge for??
Nev wondered out loud about why we see ourselves as islands and why we find it so hard to simply spread a little love out into the world. Why we are so scared to smile at someone, when it can only ever make the world a better place.
Sherab concluded by illustrating that, without others, we are nothing. That we do need other people. I really enjoyed this discussion, because for a long time I've had something of a chip on my shoulder, that I didn't need other people.
We talked a little more about what our goals were for the week ahead. I decided that I am going to appreciate the uniqueness of each person and their stories, and the value they bring to my life.
I really enjoyed this class. Now its an hour after it finished and already I can feel some of the old anxieties coming back, but this was just my first class. I understand that this is a practice for life, not just a quick fix, so I am definitely going back next week.
Cool!
I went because it still feels like my heart is in a knot. There are things that I have created, or have been created around me, that I had no clue how to deal with. And having control over my self is something important to me.
I had no real idea what to expect. Of course, like any half-cocked follower of Real Social Dynamics, I had read some Eckhart Tolle. But this was a true Buddhist meditation. I was mildly concerned that I'd be having to chant 'jai guru de'va' etc etc with tiny cymbals attached to my fingers, but I figured EVEN if that did happen...it would just be a funny story.
I knew that there was, of course, the opportunity that this might - just might - be a life-changing opportunity on my doorstep.
When I got there, I felt a bit like Damien from The Omen. I mean, everyone was so chilled out. As we went into the first guided meditation, my heart felt like it wanted to pop out of my chest. I had meditated a little before, but not like this. All the stress and bad chemicals around my heart were just...there. Our 'guru' (I don't even know what the proper name is for a Buddhist teacher) Sherab told us to observe the thoughts and feelings, and then experiment with staying with them, and letting them go. This was a preparatory meditative exercise.
I started feeling better, and exercising some jurisdiction over my internal state for once. Look, I know we read all this Tolle and Alan Watts and David Deida and every other guru around, but it is a different thing entirely to be within it's presence. It is similar to reading RSDN daily or simply doing a bootcamp. You could spend 3 hours every day on RSDN for your life and still not understand the concepts as clearly and as deeply as if you did a one-weekend bootcamp.
After 10-15 minutes, we came out of the meditation and Sherab and the group talked about two concepts vital to our ability to meditative success:
1. We have to want to be happy
2. We have to have belief
Sherab talked about how so many people don't truly 100% believe that simple meditation can provide them with happiness. That they still believe, even if only slightly, that some other external object is required for happiness. This kind of thinking will prevent succesful meditation. We have to believe - even to pretend for a short while - that our meditation can give us happiness.
We then went on a second guided meditation, this time much more deeply into the inner body, and our heart chakras. It was my heart chakra that was so tied up with anxiety beforehand, so at first this felt pretty uncomfortable. After 10 minutes or so, I started to feel better and the anxiety began to dissipate.
This was a longer meditation, and one I did not want to come out of. But we did, and then we shared a large group discussion on pride and humility.
This, if anyone has been reading my posts on RSDN, is a topic close to my heart. I've been very guilty of being very proud in the recent past.
I offered my perspective, that we as people put up walls so that, whilst I cannot get OUT to other people, nor can they get IN to me. What is a safety mechanism ends up restricting you and in fact making you deeply unhappy. That we seek to judge people as quick as possible so therefore they lose the 'power' to judge US; that I have subjugated them so their opinion will be worthless to me whatever.
Of course, this is a fallacy because it is built on insecurity and a bedrock of negative emotions so it only ever really makes us unhappy.
Ivan talked about the importance of understanding where things come from. The part that every person has to play in the process of this world. How even a checkout girl is important to us and our daily existence.
Sarah talked about how a Big Issue seller she used to walk past everyday on the way to her sales job, was actually a far better salesperson than her, when she took the time to get to know her. The difference was that their circumstances had simply been different. Is this something we should judge for??
Nev wondered out loud about why we see ourselves as islands and why we find it so hard to simply spread a little love out into the world. Why we are so scared to smile at someone, when it can only ever make the world a better place.
Sherab concluded by illustrating that, without others, we are nothing. That we do need other people. I really enjoyed this discussion, because for a long time I've had something of a chip on my shoulder, that I didn't need other people.
We talked a little more about what our goals were for the week ahead. I decided that I am going to appreciate the uniqueness of each person and their stories, and the value they bring to my life.
I really enjoyed this class. Now its an hour after it finished and already I can feel some of the old anxieties coming back, but this was just my first class. I understand that this is a practice for life, not just a quick fix, so I am definitely going back next week.
Cool!
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Progress Report
Yo...
So I am writing this for myself but maybe you will get something out of it, if you want ;]
Here's the deal.
I'm most likely to be leaving this city in April. I have the opportunity to live in a city-centre flat 'back home' - Liverpool - with my best mate. Out of the boys back home, some are what you would call semi-naturals. They get girls at a better rate than most normal people, but not at the rate that we all know is possible.
Also, they are what Ozzie and I called 'booze, coke, and status naturals' - i.e. they appear natural but are, like most people, dependant on external permittors to perform.
I LOVE these guys though. Best mates in the whole fucking world. Already agreed that my mate is going to be my best man when I decide to settle down.
However, I need to make sure that I am absolutely 100% solid in who I am before I return. I am a little worried that I would go back and undo all the good work of the past 18 months. Fear to approach in front of non-community friends. Dependance on booze and/or drugs. Fear of failure.
Basically, I need to make sure that I am bringing the good qualities I have developed with me, and that they stick!
With that in mind, I had a rough plan of action. As I wrote in my very first blog post, I have rough goals but they are constantly changing and evolving. Which is what has happened here...January was supposed to be just about dipping my toe back in the water following a very messy breakup 6 days before Christmas...January WAS SUPPOSED to just be chill and simple, not even on the pull. Getting used to being social was the M.O.
Instead, here are the results for the last 7 days:
Last Friday:
4 sets, 1 makeout, 1 number, 1 extraction
Last Saturday:
1 set, 1 lay
Friday:
4 sets, 2 makeouts, 1 number, 1 extraction (ASD when we couldn't find a taxi)
Saturday:
1 set, 1 makeout, fingering, 1 number
(yes...I get a little ego-kick out of writing that. But it serves a purpose too)
So, I am far far FAR ahead of schedule.
Which means that it is time to take stock, assess my goals and vision and see what I want to do with myself.
BRUTALLY SPEAKING:
The girls are not TURBO TURBO TURBO hot. Obviously last Friday's debacle was well-documented here on this blog, the low point of the week. The girl from Friday was hot, the girl from last Saturday was hot, but again we're talking more in the '8 out of 10' area.
My good man Jedi was always a big proponent of the Turbo Challenge so I think this is a good aim.
I'm wondering if I'm on some sort of quixotic quest to find the Holy Grail or some other shit...like Ozzie says, this rate of closing is 'top level'. Yet I'm still searching for something 'more'.
That 'more' is inside me though, it isn't in the girls. More on this later...
Anyway, I've gotten back into the swing of things like a duck to water. With the solid base established, its time to look at ways to improve yet further.
I'm thinking:
1. Its time for 4 nights a week again. Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, with an optional Monday night.
2. Sober again.
3. Play it smart. If its a work night, then bail at 1am unless I've already pulled or have a hot link set up. This way I'm going to be getting reasonable sleeping time.
4. Turbo times again.
I've done all these challenges before but now its about doing them at an even higher level, consistently, and at the same time. It's that kind of thing when you really feel the enthusiasm and excitement of what lies ahead.
Good times!
So I am writing this for myself but maybe you will get something out of it, if you want ;]
Here's the deal.
I'm most likely to be leaving this city in April. I have the opportunity to live in a city-centre flat 'back home' - Liverpool - with my best mate. Out of the boys back home, some are what you would call semi-naturals. They get girls at a better rate than most normal people, but not at the rate that we all know is possible.
Also, they are what Ozzie and I called 'booze, coke, and status naturals' - i.e. they appear natural but are, like most people, dependant on external permittors to perform.
I LOVE these guys though. Best mates in the whole fucking world. Already agreed that my mate is going to be my best man when I decide to settle down.
However, I need to make sure that I am absolutely 100% solid in who I am before I return. I am a little worried that I would go back and undo all the good work of the past 18 months. Fear to approach in front of non-community friends. Dependance on booze and/or drugs. Fear of failure.
Basically, I need to make sure that I am bringing the good qualities I have developed with me, and that they stick!
With that in mind, I had a rough plan of action. As I wrote in my very first blog post, I have rough goals but they are constantly changing and evolving. Which is what has happened here...January was supposed to be just about dipping my toe back in the water following a very messy breakup 6 days before Christmas...January WAS SUPPOSED to just be chill and simple, not even on the pull. Getting used to being social was the M.O.
Instead, here are the results for the last 7 days:
Last Friday:
4 sets, 1 makeout, 1 number, 1 extraction
Last Saturday:
1 set, 1 lay
Friday:
4 sets, 2 makeouts, 1 number, 1 extraction (ASD when we couldn't find a taxi)
Saturday:
1 set, 1 makeout, fingering, 1 number
(yes...I get a little ego-kick out of writing that. But it serves a purpose too)
So, I am far far FAR ahead of schedule.
Which means that it is time to take stock, assess my goals and vision and see what I want to do with myself.
BRUTALLY SPEAKING:
The girls are not TURBO TURBO TURBO hot. Obviously last Friday's debacle was well-documented here on this blog, the low point of the week. The girl from Friday was hot, the girl from last Saturday was hot, but again we're talking more in the '8 out of 10' area.
My good man Jedi was always a big proponent of the Turbo Challenge so I think this is a good aim.
I'm wondering if I'm on some sort of quixotic quest to find the Holy Grail or some other shit...like Ozzie says, this rate of closing is 'top level'. Yet I'm still searching for something 'more'.
That 'more' is inside me though, it isn't in the girls. More on this later...
Anyway, I've gotten back into the swing of things like a duck to water. With the solid base established, its time to look at ways to improve yet further.
I'm thinking:
1. Its time for 4 nights a week again. Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, with an optional Monday night.
2. Sober again.
3. Play it smart. If its a work night, then bail at 1am unless I've already pulled or have a hot link set up. This way I'm going to be getting reasonable sleeping time.
4. Turbo times again.
I've done all these challenges before but now its about doing them at an even higher level, consistently, and at the same time. It's that kind of thing when you really feel the enthusiasm and excitement of what lies ahead.
Good times!
Saturday, 17 January 2009
16/01/09
Fun night, though it got a bit messy as the night wore on.
I think that I'm kind of identified with a couple of roles that I like to 'play'. One is the shambolic funny guy who does ridiculous things, and the other is the hard-nosed player who doesn't give a fuck.
I decided that the second option had to go because it isn't a good mentality to carry in life as a whole. Of course neither of these roles are really *me* so there is still work to be done. In Edinburgh last week I was not playing a role, but last night I slipped into that first role.
It means I get some moments of genius, like this:
ME: Oi, pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: You look like a pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: Where's your beard?
GIRL: I don't have one.
ME: You should get one.
GIRL: So should you.
ME: Ha, I shaved earlier. I also exfoliated. Look, feel my face.
GIRL: Wow, that's smooth!
ME: Not as smooth as this...*makeout*
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...
Its something that limits my success in a way too. Makes me feel less of a man somehow. Almost as if the humour and the wackiness is both 'playing to the crowds' but also a way of defusing tension/anxiety in myself.
I also need to watch myself and remain humble. Because I think a lot of the game is kinda funny, but I have to be careful not to see myself as above the process now I can get laid regularly.
I mean, at the minute I'm not really doing many sets. I did 4 last night, got two makeouts, and extracted one - this cute awesome-bodied girl - only for her to ASD at the taxi rank (Reason: I did not lead 100%...); I did two sets in Edinburgh last Saturday and got laid.
So I guess a 50% return is good, but its not necessarily getting me the mass experience to push on to the next level. I have a choice right now...have fun and fool around and stay roughly around the same level, or get back to the process and putting the time in and get to the very top level.
I want to be at that top level - and I believe I can get there no big deal - but I guess I'm just having so much fun clowning around, and still getting results, so sometimes I just can't be arsed knuckling down. But, its what I want so I owe it to myself to do it.
I think that I'm kind of identified with a couple of roles that I like to 'play'. One is the shambolic funny guy who does ridiculous things, and the other is the hard-nosed player who doesn't give a fuck.
I decided that the second option had to go because it isn't a good mentality to carry in life as a whole. Of course neither of these roles are really *me* so there is still work to be done. In Edinburgh last week I was not playing a role, but last night I slipped into that first role.
It means I get some moments of genius, like this:
ME: Oi, pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: You look like a pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: Where's your beard?
GIRL: I don't have one.
ME: You should get one.
GIRL: So should you.
ME: Ha, I shaved earlier. I also exfoliated. Look, feel my face.
GIRL: Wow, that's smooth!
ME: Not as smooth as this...*makeout*
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...
Its something that limits my success in a way too. Makes me feel less of a man somehow. Almost as if the humour and the wackiness is both 'playing to the crowds' but also a way of defusing tension/anxiety in myself.
I also need to watch myself and remain humble. Because I think a lot of the game is kinda funny, but I have to be careful not to see myself as above the process now I can get laid regularly.
I mean, at the minute I'm not really doing many sets. I did 4 last night, got two makeouts, and extracted one - this cute awesome-bodied girl - only for her to ASD at the taxi rank (Reason: I did not lead 100%...); I did two sets in Edinburgh last Saturday and got laid.
So I guess a 50% return is good, but its not necessarily getting me the mass experience to push on to the next level. I have a choice right now...have fun and fool around and stay roughly around the same level, or get back to the process and putting the time in and get to the very top level.
I want to be at that top level - and I believe I can get there no big deal - but I guess I'm just having so much fun clowning around, and still getting results, so sometimes I just can't be arsed knuckling down. But, its what I want so I owe it to myself to do it.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
In Answer to IvánPérez:
"Spontaneity is KEY because it's natural, it communicates all the right things. Be creative.
I'm loving the blog keep up the good things.
P.S. Could you clarify "I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there". Concretely this last part.
-IvánPérez"
OK.
What I am talking about here is verbal escalation in your interactions.
My 'PU style' is quite cheeky. Its quite immature too, and I will say things that really do push what other people consider acceptable quite early on. Please note that this isn't done to get a reaction. This is just the bizarre, childlike humour I have. Its something that has just naturally developed for me; maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.
Anyway, an example from Saturday night. This is within 30 seconds of opening two girls.
The hottie is stressing over something on her phone, so I ask her what's up:
GIRL: My ex keeps texting me; I wish he'd go away.
ME: Ex...
GIRL: Yes. He cheated on me with a brazilian stripper.
ME: ...A small part of me wants to 'high five' him for that.
FRIEND: WHAT THE FUCK?
ME: Well, if you're going to go out, go out in style.
GIRL: *laughs, smiles*
OK...that's pretty hardcore. But it all ties into the model that Alex RSD talks about a lot, about naturally saying what YOU think is amusing, which tends to generate shit-tests, which you can then pass with wit (*precisely because you are not looking for reactions or permission – see 'Spontaneous Combustion' post and Halfull's comment) and therefore generate more attraction.
Similarly, I also know now that she is a pretty chilled out girl, who doesn't take herself too seriously.
Of course, there are certain things you should not joke about, and certain things you should simply not say. You shouldn't be saying things because you want to belittle someone, or enjoy the schadenfreude, for example. It is not about setting out to hurt. We are not in the business of bad vibes. This is the social calibration issue you have to understand.
Jedi said in an old post on RSDN that, in his opinion, natural game calibration was more about overstepping the mark and then being able to bring it back and recover.
BUT BEWARE...I am not going out thinking 'Oh I have to say some outrageous things now!'; it isn't really about that. Its just that this kind of ridiculous conversation seems to happen to me quite naturally. When it comes to verbal interaction and cheekiness, I would rather err on the side of 'too much' than 'too little'.
Put comments if you want to discuss further!
PS. I have changed the comments settings, so now all readers can add comments regardless of whether they have an account or not.
I'm loving the blog keep up the good things.
P.S. Could you clarify "I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there". Concretely this last part.
-IvánPérez"
OK.
What I am talking about here is verbal escalation in your interactions.
My 'PU style' is quite cheeky. Its quite immature too, and I will say things that really do push what other people consider acceptable quite early on. Please note that this isn't done to get a reaction. This is just the bizarre, childlike humour I have. Its something that has just naturally developed for me; maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.
Anyway, an example from Saturday night. This is within 30 seconds of opening two girls.
The hottie is stressing over something on her phone, so I ask her what's up:
GIRL: My ex keeps texting me; I wish he'd go away.
ME: Ex...
GIRL: Yes. He cheated on me with a brazilian stripper.
ME: ...A small part of me wants to 'high five' him for that.
FRIEND: WHAT THE FUCK?
ME: Well, if you're going to go out, go out in style.
GIRL: *laughs, smiles*
OK...that's pretty hardcore. But it all ties into the model that Alex RSD talks about a lot, about naturally saying what YOU think is amusing, which tends to generate shit-tests, which you can then pass with wit (*precisely because you are not looking for reactions or permission – see 'Spontaneous Combustion' post and Halfull's comment) and therefore generate more attraction.
Similarly, I also know now that she is a pretty chilled out girl, who doesn't take herself too seriously.
Of course, there are certain things you should not joke about, and certain things you should simply not say. You shouldn't be saying things because you want to belittle someone, or enjoy the schadenfreude, for example. It is not about setting out to hurt. We are not in the business of bad vibes. This is the social calibration issue you have to understand.
Jedi said in an old post on RSDN that, in his opinion, natural game calibration was more about overstepping the mark and then being able to bring it back and recover.
BUT BEWARE...I am not going out thinking 'Oh I have to say some outrageous things now!'; it isn't really about that. Its just that this kind of ridiculous conversation seems to happen to me quite naturally. When it comes to verbal interaction and cheekiness, I would rather err on the side of 'too much' than 'too little'.
Put comments if you want to discuss further!
PS. I have changed the comments settings, so now all readers can add comments regardless of whether they have an account or not.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
One Night In Edinburgh
Edinburgh is a beautiful city. Beautiful...but very cold, very wet, and very dark.
The mood was high as the Newcastle CREW rolled out on its first road trip of 2009. Myself, Xavier, Potto, Liam~ and Rush were all travelling up to Edinburgh for a 'One Night Special'; I'd arranged it 2 days previous because I wanted to get out of Newcastle for a weekend and there is this great city almost literally on our doorstep.
With the help of some guys on the 'Nation, we had our list of clubs all worked out. Roughly speaking, we had grouped them into 3 distinct foodgroups, of which we could work our way down as the night wore on:
-HIGH QUALITY VENUES
-PARTY TIMES
-CHEAP DIVES...
It turned out I didn't need to leave the first food group, as we were walking down George Street about 11pm looking for a party, and Xav popped open a 2 set. German girls. I can't remember what I said but it was cocky enough to get my girl engaged, and we convinced them to come with us into 'The Dome', a really cool bar.
The girl I am with is 24 year old, black-haired German. She is...hot. Red pencil skirt, cute heels and outrageous breasts. After we walked in hand-in-hand, I went to the bathroom and when I came back - no girls.
Hmmm.
So I'm talking with one of the Crew, while the rest of the boys are hanging out with the girls now on the other side of the bar. They'd gone to the bar while I was at the bathroom. For about 1 month, my MO has been 'low key, chilled out game', and tonight was no exception. I know the girls are there, and they know I know they are there, but I keep chatting with my mate. Why wouldn't I? Yes the girl is hot but I hardly know her. Not enough to go out of my way.
I walk back over after about 5 minutes and re-engage my girl. For the next hour we chilled in the venue and got close. I REALLY chilled out my kino, and think I only went for the kiss after about 45mins - 1hr. My priority here was to simply befriend the girl and her friend, and have fun. I was not hung up on outcome - though I was getting increasingly attracted to my girl. She was smart, funny, attractive, and had real self-esteem. I love contintental women!
From an outer game perspective, there were three points of note:
1. Useful, imaginitve ways of isolating: 'Lets sneak into the VIP section'
2. Very subtle and 'friendly' (not player-type) kino - what I mean by this is that there were protective hugs and forehead kisses and basically POSITIVE DOMINANCE. The chemistry was happening verbally so there was no need to press it physically at this early point. I typically get attraction very easily (Xav pointed this out to me last night, I get a lot of attraction by doing very little), so this game was more about CONNECTING and - dare I say it? - comfort...
3. Totally chilled out and letting whatever happens, happen. She wants to go off with her friend to smoke? Cool. She will be back. Full Shadow Lording - sit back and let her game you ;)
Seriously though, I liked this girl and it is hard not to feel that bond with us. Xav said we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend.
About an hour in, and Xav and myself are with the two girls, the Crew has departed, and we decide to venue change. Go to a nearby club. Walk in with the two girls and the guys lining up alongside Death Row were just stunned at us and our girls. Happy times.
I've kissed the girl a couple of times, but not many. Me and her get some drinks and go to sit down - away from Xav & his girl. We start kissing now but NOT TOO MUCH - I know that this girl is going to stick with her friend so I cannot go all out, as then I would burn out. This is an operation in 'pacing'. We've got 2 hours till the club closes. There is no hurry.
I start fingering her a little, but teasing her mostly. Xav is going for the extraction with his girl - he has a city centre bed for the night - so I pass him a condom and wish them well. Game on. This means I can go for the extraction sooner.
Which I do, after about another ten minutes. As we are leaving, the girl remembers her coat is in the cloakroom. And she wants it. But the ticket is with her friend. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. The cloakroom woman won't let us have the jacket without the ticket so she phones her friend - sorry Xav - and they come back. Something went wrong in their alleyway adventures and the vibe seems a bit wierd.
We get our jackets and start to walk the streets. I protect my girl from the cold and keep pulling her away from her friend to kiss, then running to catch back up. Its a fun game. However, the double pull is not on - at this point anyway. The girls need a bathroom so we go into another club - a Mexican one. This place is very cool! By now we are about 2.5 hrs in and my girl and I are totally smitten. We are walking the fine line between sexual spark and cherishing. But...we are walking that line pretty well indeed ;)
Go inside, chat chill and relax. Again, zero panic whatsoever from me. After about 30 minutes, Xavier's girl decides she wants to go home - without us. Ouch. Xav starts to panic, I just tell him, 'Mate, I honestly do not mind. I am having a great time regardless. If they want to go home together, then they can. I've had a great time anyway.'
This vibe of utter non-neediness and positivity is presumably picked up by my girl who hands me her phone number without me asking. She says, 'Call me in 20 minutes, I want you to come over'.
20 minutes pass, Xav and I have supped some Corona's and chatted some girls, and I have forgotten to call her. So she calls me. Wonderful stuff.
Straight away, I get logistics - what hotel, what road, what room. Done. Xav's girl tells him down the phone to bring some champagne. We don't...
However, we do trek for 30 minutes to just find a damn taxi. Its horrible weather, I've had 4 hours sleep and it is 3:30am. When we eventually get to the hotel, we walk in, ignore Security Boy, and I call my girl. She is suprised, but happy, I am here.
Go to the room and get in. We all collapse on the same bed. Second time in two days...seems like God wants me to have a foursome at some point in my life?/??
Anyway, as Xav starts talking to his girl, I venture that we should give some space and we'll chill on the sofa. We get on, she gets on me, we kiss, I finger her and she gets my cock out. We fall off the sofa onto the floor and, with my semi-erect cock bobbing around in the night air, all I can see is Xav getting under the covers with his girl. I don't think I want to fuck like this...think THINK THINK!!!!
Bathroom is a no go - she won't have it. Nor is the hotel corridor, or the cleaner's cupboard. Shit, there is only one thing for it - rent a room. The reception dude is a bit surprised at first that we want to rent a room at 4am but quickly cottons on, and gives me his staff discount of 20%. Still expensive, but fair enough. :)
We get a room, and its on straight away. Zero LMR. Girl is amazing in bed, and great company, super cool. Pity she lives at the other end of the country to me. I reflect on 'solid game' and of the benefits of actually connecting with the girl you like, and think about how crazy life is.
The mood was high as the Newcastle CREW rolled out on its first road trip of 2009. Myself, Xavier, Potto, Liam~ and Rush were all travelling up to Edinburgh for a 'One Night Special'; I'd arranged it 2 days previous because I wanted to get out of Newcastle for a weekend and there is this great city almost literally on our doorstep.
With the help of some guys on the 'Nation, we had our list of clubs all worked out. Roughly speaking, we had grouped them into 3 distinct foodgroups, of which we could work our way down as the night wore on:
-HIGH QUALITY VENUES
-PARTY TIMES
-CHEAP DIVES...
It turned out I didn't need to leave the first food group, as we were walking down George Street about 11pm looking for a party, and Xav popped open a 2 set. German girls. I can't remember what I said but it was cocky enough to get my girl engaged, and we convinced them to come with us into 'The Dome', a really cool bar.
The girl I am with is 24 year old, black-haired German. She is...hot. Red pencil skirt, cute heels and outrageous breasts. After we walked in hand-in-hand, I went to the bathroom and when I came back - no girls.
Hmmm.
So I'm talking with one of the Crew, while the rest of the boys are hanging out with the girls now on the other side of the bar. They'd gone to the bar while I was at the bathroom. For about 1 month, my MO has been 'low key, chilled out game', and tonight was no exception. I know the girls are there, and they know I know they are there, but I keep chatting with my mate. Why wouldn't I? Yes the girl is hot but I hardly know her. Not enough to go out of my way.
I walk back over after about 5 minutes and re-engage my girl. For the next hour we chilled in the venue and got close. I REALLY chilled out my kino, and think I only went for the kiss after about 45mins - 1hr. My priority here was to simply befriend the girl and her friend, and have fun. I was not hung up on outcome - though I was getting increasingly attracted to my girl. She was smart, funny, attractive, and had real self-esteem. I love contintental women!
From an outer game perspective, there were three points of note:
1. Useful, imaginitve ways of isolating: 'Lets sneak into the VIP section'
2. Very subtle and 'friendly' (not player-type) kino - what I mean by this is that there were protective hugs and forehead kisses and basically POSITIVE DOMINANCE. The chemistry was happening verbally so there was no need to press it physically at this early point. I typically get attraction very easily (Xav pointed this out to me last night, I get a lot of attraction by doing very little), so this game was more about CONNECTING and - dare I say it? - comfort...
3. Totally chilled out and letting whatever happens, happen. She wants to go off with her friend to smoke? Cool. She will be back. Full Shadow Lording - sit back and let her game you ;)
Seriously though, I liked this girl and it is hard not to feel that bond with us. Xav said we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend.
About an hour in, and Xav and myself are with the two girls, the Crew has departed, and we decide to venue change. Go to a nearby club. Walk in with the two girls and the guys lining up alongside Death Row were just stunned at us and our girls. Happy times.
I've kissed the girl a couple of times, but not many. Me and her get some drinks and go to sit down - away from Xav & his girl. We start kissing now but NOT TOO MUCH - I know that this girl is going to stick with her friend so I cannot go all out, as then I would burn out. This is an operation in 'pacing'. We've got 2 hours till the club closes. There is no hurry.
I start fingering her a little, but teasing her mostly. Xav is going for the extraction with his girl - he has a city centre bed for the night - so I pass him a condom and wish them well. Game on. This means I can go for the extraction sooner.
Which I do, after about another ten minutes. As we are leaving, the girl remembers her coat is in the cloakroom. And she wants it. But the ticket is with her friend. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. The cloakroom woman won't let us have the jacket without the ticket so she phones her friend - sorry Xav - and they come back. Something went wrong in their alleyway adventures and the vibe seems a bit wierd.
We get our jackets and start to walk the streets. I protect my girl from the cold and keep pulling her away from her friend to kiss, then running to catch back up. Its a fun game. However, the double pull is not on - at this point anyway. The girls need a bathroom so we go into another club - a Mexican one. This place is very cool! By now we are about 2.5 hrs in and my girl and I are totally smitten. We are walking the fine line between sexual spark and cherishing. But...we are walking that line pretty well indeed ;)
Go inside, chat chill and relax. Again, zero panic whatsoever from me. After about 30 minutes, Xavier's girl decides she wants to go home - without us. Ouch. Xav starts to panic, I just tell him, 'Mate, I honestly do not mind. I am having a great time regardless. If they want to go home together, then they can. I've had a great time anyway.'
This vibe of utter non-neediness and positivity is presumably picked up by my girl who hands me her phone number without me asking. She says, 'Call me in 20 minutes, I want you to come over'.
20 minutes pass, Xav and I have supped some Corona's and chatted some girls, and I have forgotten to call her. So she calls me. Wonderful stuff.
Straight away, I get logistics - what hotel, what road, what room. Done. Xav's girl tells him down the phone to bring some champagne. We don't...
However, we do trek for 30 minutes to just find a damn taxi. Its horrible weather, I've had 4 hours sleep and it is 3:30am. When we eventually get to the hotel, we walk in, ignore Security Boy, and I call my girl. She is suprised, but happy, I am here.
Go to the room and get in. We all collapse on the same bed. Second time in two days...seems like God wants me to have a foursome at some point in my life?/??
Anyway, as Xav starts talking to his girl, I venture that we should give some space and we'll chill on the sofa. We get on, she gets on me, we kiss, I finger her and she gets my cock out. We fall off the sofa onto the floor and, with my semi-erect cock bobbing around in the night air, all I can see is Xav getting under the covers with his girl. I don't think I want to fuck like this...think THINK THINK!!!!
Bathroom is a no go - she won't have it. Nor is the hotel corridor, or the cleaner's cupboard. Shit, there is only one thing for it - rent a room. The reception dude is a bit surprised at first that we want to rent a room at 4am but quickly cottons on, and gives me his staff discount of 20%. Still expensive, but fair enough. :)
We get a room, and its on straight away. Zero LMR. Girl is amazing in bed, and great company, super cool. Pity she lives at the other end of the country to me. I reflect on 'solid game' and of the benefits of actually connecting with the girl you like, and think about how crazy life is.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Friday Night, 4AM
It's about 4am GMT; and I've just left a guaranteed shag and a potential threesome in the simple interests of getting some sleep.
It was one of those nights - fuelled on a desire to get over the ex, I had somewhat drunkenly decided that 'GFTOW' was my MO and I was going to accomplish it as fast as possible. I was aiming for The Weekend Hat-Trick.
So, sparked up on jagerbulls to lift me out of my ennui, it is almost too easy when you are chatting to a girl and say, 'I don't know how I am getting home tonight', and she replies, 'Its OK, I will drive you back in the morning'. Nevermind that she is - in old school community parlance - about a '4', I'm smashed and I need to reduce my GFTOW to GFNOW ASAP.
Earlier on during the night I had some guys - community or just recognised me from around the town - slagging me off. Curious.
I could not shake the vibe of my ex 100%. It was still there a little. Ozzie said to me, 'Try not to compare girls to your ex in terms of body or looks', but it is hard when my ex was a bonafide stunner.
So I am with this girl. I move her inside, build compliance. Tell her we really need to leave, she wants to find her friend. We find her friend, have fun, and I find a guy for her. Each girl is now paired off with a guy and we get a taxi back to the girls.
We all go into the same bedroom. I'm a little confused at this stage.
Another housemate comes in. Starts kicking off. Me and the other guy - Greg, top bloke - start discussing how to bailski on the joint. I've just come out of a relationship and am only into hassle-free existence right now, so negotiating raged-up housemates is of little desire right now.
The girls go upstairs. Me and Greg leave. The girl I was with begs me to come back inside. I tell her that I don't want any hassle and 'I am a big fan of sleep' - she storms off and slams the door.
So, here I am, sex free at 4am. Hmmmm. Part of me thinks about my ex, maybe she is with some other dude right now, though I doubt it knowing her. There's always that worry for me when a girl is super-hot. Guys hit on her 25/7.
I suppose this is just the game of life, and we learn through the pain and worry. I wished so much that I was perfect this first time around, but I wasn't. I don't know how many times I will need to 'practice', but hopefully it isn't many.
Because this club scene, ultimately, does not compare right now. In my opinion, at least. Its fun but thats all it is.
It was one of those nights - fuelled on a desire to get over the ex, I had somewhat drunkenly decided that 'GFTOW' was my MO and I was going to accomplish it as fast as possible. I was aiming for The Weekend Hat-Trick.
So, sparked up on jagerbulls to lift me out of my ennui, it is almost too easy when you are chatting to a girl and say, 'I don't know how I am getting home tonight', and she replies, 'Its OK, I will drive you back in the morning'. Nevermind that she is - in old school community parlance - about a '4', I'm smashed and I need to reduce my GFTOW to GFNOW ASAP.
Earlier on during the night I had some guys - community or just recognised me from around the town - slagging me off. Curious.
I could not shake the vibe of my ex 100%. It was still there a little. Ozzie said to me, 'Try not to compare girls to your ex in terms of body or looks', but it is hard when my ex was a bonafide stunner.
So I am with this girl. I move her inside, build compliance. Tell her we really need to leave, she wants to find her friend. We find her friend, have fun, and I find a guy for her. Each girl is now paired off with a guy and we get a taxi back to the girls.
We all go into the same bedroom. I'm a little confused at this stage.
Another housemate comes in. Starts kicking off. Me and the other guy - Greg, top bloke - start discussing how to bailski on the joint. I've just come out of a relationship and am only into hassle-free existence right now, so negotiating raged-up housemates is of little desire right now.
The girls go upstairs. Me and Greg leave. The girl I was with begs me to come back inside. I tell her that I don't want any hassle and 'I am a big fan of sleep' - she storms off and slams the door.
So, here I am, sex free at 4am. Hmmmm. Part of me thinks about my ex, maybe she is with some other dude right now, though I doubt it knowing her. There's always that worry for me when a girl is super-hot. Guys hit on her 25/7.
I suppose this is just the game of life, and we learn through the pain and worry. I wished so much that I was perfect this first time around, but I wasn't. I don't know how many times I will need to 'practice', but hopefully it isn't many.
Because this club scene, ultimately, does not compare right now. In my opinion, at least. Its fun but thats all it is.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Spontaneous Combustion
Some of the crap that comes out of my mouth never fails to amuse me.
Example from last night:
I opened up this group of 3 girls. I pulled Chris in with, 'This is Chris, he needs somewhere to put his jacket. He's a man of many layers', then we split the set and I was one-on-one with this brunette girl. I'm not exactly into her but she said something - I can't remember what but it was basically a shit test - and my response was, for some reason, to grab her nose between my thumb and forefinger and wiggle it about making baby noises.
I have no idea why I decided this would be a good idea, I just went with the feeling. And it turned out to be a good idea, because after that she was giving me all the signs to kiss.
This kind of thing doesn't always translate in text but, in my mind at least, it works because of spontaniety. That thrill of flying by the seat of your pants and not really having a clue if something is going to work but you're doing it simply because you think it is amusing and will be funny. That thrill, that unpredictability, that challenge is something girls love.
But you cannot do this without complete and utter self-trust. I still doubt myself at times, mostly when I'm getting ready to go out. My mind sometimes runs through a checklist of queries - 'What am I going to do if xyz happens?', 'What if I see so-and-so?' - but when I put on my music, and put my head in the place it needs to be, I forget all these doubts.
And when you don't have those doubts, you can go up to a girl and say and do whatever you want. At very best, I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there. At worst, you get a shit test which you negotiate accordingly and build further attraction.
Example:
I opened up this mixed set - two guys, two girls - at the tail-end of last night, and was telling the girl that I couldn't hear her. So I decided we would use one of the guys in the set as a translator.
Now, the guy is quite cool and translates what she says to me as, 'Go as far aways as possible, right now'. To which I burst out laughing and joking with the girl, 'Oh you didn't say that??! Oh no! Haha' etcetera etcetera, and undercut the guy completely. The two guys shortly leave, and now its just me and the two girls.
Example from last night:
I opened up this group of 3 girls. I pulled Chris in with, 'This is Chris, he needs somewhere to put his jacket. He's a man of many layers', then we split the set and I was one-on-one with this brunette girl. I'm not exactly into her but she said something - I can't remember what but it was basically a shit test - and my response was, for some reason, to grab her nose between my thumb and forefinger and wiggle it about making baby noises.
I have no idea why I decided this would be a good idea, I just went with the feeling. And it turned out to be a good idea, because after that she was giving me all the signs to kiss.
This kind of thing doesn't always translate in text but, in my mind at least, it works because of spontaniety. That thrill of flying by the seat of your pants and not really having a clue if something is going to work but you're doing it simply because you think it is amusing and will be funny. That thrill, that unpredictability, that challenge is something girls love.
But you cannot do this without complete and utter self-trust. I still doubt myself at times, mostly when I'm getting ready to go out. My mind sometimes runs through a checklist of queries - 'What am I going to do if xyz happens?', 'What if I see so-and-so?' - but when I put on my music, and put my head in the place it needs to be, I forget all these doubts.
And when you don't have those doubts, you can go up to a girl and say and do whatever you want. At very best, I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there. At worst, you get a shit test which you negotiate accordingly and build further attraction.
Example:
I opened up this mixed set - two guys, two girls - at the tail-end of last night, and was telling the girl that I couldn't hear her. So I decided we would use one of the guys in the set as a translator.
Now, the guy is quite cool and translates what she says to me as, 'Go as far aways as possible, right now'. To which I burst out laughing and joking with the girl, 'Oh you didn't say that??! Oh no! Haha' etcetera etcetera, and undercut the guy completely. The two guys shortly leave, and now its just me and the two girls.
For some reason, my girl thinks I am a tourist. She tells me how quiet the city is at this time of year, and notes, 'You've come too soon', to which I say:
'That's always the problem, isn't it darling?' ;)
The thing is, a situation like this can't be legislated for in advance. You can't think to yourself, 'Oh what if I decide to use a guy as a translator and then he says this and I say that?'...its impossible. All that you can really have is the self-trust that you can handle all of the challenges that the night will throw at you, and use your unstifled wit to take that situation and use it as a platform to generate yet more attraction.
Don't get me wrong - this is as much a note to myself as anyone reading this. But I think that this is what it all comes down to when I see the 'top guys' - they have ABSOLUTE TRUST in themselves and their value. There is not a single shred of doubt that exists within them.
PS. Thanks for all who dropped comments in my first entry! I appreciate it. Hopefully this blog is going to be an enjoyable read for all...:)
Thursday, 1 January 2009
2009...The Year That Is
So I have decided to get myself a 'blog'. I used to think they were horrendously self-important and hopelessly generic, so lets hope that this is an exception...right?
January 1st 2009 seems like as good a time as any to start a blog. My aim in writing this is to be as transparent and, frankly, accountable - to myself and others - for my actions. See, I have goals. BIG goals. And I stuttered a bit at the tail-end of 2008 on achieving them.
No more! The time is now.
2008 was an interesting year. It was the year I really started picking up the pace in the game, but it was also a year with a lot of changes for me. I'm a very different person 365 days later.
I saw out 2008 NYE with Chris and Katie at the 'Bulletproof NYE' night. It was pretty cool! They played my favourite song - "Where Is My Mind?" by Pixies - just before midnight, which was just beyond all known levels of awesomeness.
Towards the end of the night, I got a little drunk, a little reflective and I started thinking about things. I saw guys I used to be involved in a band with, and I also saw some people connected to my ex. Ever since I was a little kid I'd wanted TWO things:
1. To be a rockstar
2. To have a hot girlfriend
I had both of those things in 2008, and I left both of them behind me. This is new territory for me...leaving behind the things you wanted, because you realised they weren't quite up to scratch. My band were good, but not great...my ex was hot but messed up. It takes a certain degree of assurance and confidence in yourself in order to assume that you will move on to greater things.
And I suppose that is the key lesson I have learnt from all this palaver in 2008, that we are always learning, always growing. And those of us that throw ourselves more readily than most into growing will be forced to learn more about ourselves and the world around us than other people.
I firmly believe that the excellence I seek cannot be achieved by sticking my head in the sand. So to grow, I have to learn. And, like the little child learning not to stick his hand in the flame, sometimes in order to learn we have to get a little burnt.
So all the shit that I went through at the tail-end of 2008 really did serve a purpose. That was me, sticking my fingers in the flame and realising not to do it again.
And 2009 is starting out with a firm commitment, right here, from me to you, to achieve that excellence. I'm going to be challenging myself in new ways this year. Roughly speaking, my aims are (in no particular order):
1. Achieve world-class infield game
2. Get ripped
3. Develop passive income streams
I'm pretty fucking excited for this year...
January 1st 2009 seems like as good a time as any to start a blog. My aim in writing this is to be as transparent and, frankly, accountable - to myself and others - for my actions. See, I have goals. BIG goals. And I stuttered a bit at the tail-end of 2008 on achieving them.
No more! The time is now.
2008 was an interesting year. It was the year I really started picking up the pace in the game, but it was also a year with a lot of changes for me. I'm a very different person 365 days later.
I saw out 2008 NYE with Chris and Katie at the 'Bulletproof NYE' night. It was pretty cool! They played my favourite song - "Where Is My Mind?" by Pixies - just before midnight, which was just beyond all known levels of awesomeness.
Towards the end of the night, I got a little drunk, a little reflective and I started thinking about things. I saw guys I used to be involved in a band with, and I also saw some people connected to my ex. Ever since I was a little kid I'd wanted TWO things:
1. To be a rockstar
2. To have a hot girlfriend
I had both of those things in 2008, and I left both of them behind me. This is new territory for me...leaving behind the things you wanted, because you realised they weren't quite up to scratch. My band were good, but not great...my ex was hot but messed up. It takes a certain degree of assurance and confidence in yourself in order to assume that you will move on to greater things.
And I suppose that is the key lesson I have learnt from all this palaver in 2008, that we are always learning, always growing. And those of us that throw ourselves more readily than most into growing will be forced to learn more about ourselves and the world around us than other people.
I firmly believe that the excellence I seek cannot be achieved by sticking my head in the sand. So to grow, I have to learn. And, like the little child learning not to stick his hand in the flame, sometimes in order to learn we have to get a little burnt.
So all the shit that I went through at the tail-end of 2008 really did serve a purpose. That was me, sticking my fingers in the flame and realising not to do it again.
And 2009 is starting out with a firm commitment, right here, from me to you, to achieve that excellence. I'm going to be challenging myself in new ways this year. Roughly speaking, my aims are (in no particular order):
1. Achieve world-class infield game
2. Get ripped
3. Develop passive income streams
I'm pretty fucking excited for this year...
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