OK, lets start with a home-truth. For me, I cannot play the game without passion. I have to have my emotions on fire, to feel that DESIRE to go and really TAKE these girls.
That feeling is a feeling I love. But...its also a feeling I miss.
Let me get this straight - I'm really not interested in the mechanics of 'social dynamics', or of playing the game for the game's sake. Doesn't really interest me.
What interests me is GIRLS. Awesome awesome girls.
Lately though, I have just felt really disconnected from 'it'. Sometimes you're in a club and you're just plugged in to the sexual vibe thats going on. I haven't felt like that for quite some time.
Tonight I'm out, I'm feeling good. Sober, exercised, meditated, feel really good. Girls eyecontacting me, some girl rubs me up on the dancefloor...but I just don't feel in a social mood. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy...but just not feeling particularly like GRABBING THIS GIRL AND TAKING HER HOME.
A number of reasons for this:
1. Intent used to be borne out of desperation, it isn't now. I'm not desperate.
2. The fact that a girl is good looking doesn't really compell me to talk to them anymore...I've banged enough hot girls to now that looks do not an attractive character make...
3. I understand that getting into a social state takes time and effort. But really, I fucking HATE thinking that my nights out have to be 'work' in any way. I always like it more effortless.
4. I'm not interested in pulling for egos sake anymore. I've done that and it fucked with my head.
So...thats about it. Its a wierd funk I have been in for a while, that I want to shake.
Any ideas how??
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Take It To The Limit: The Eagles' Guide To Pimping
Today we will be assessing game using the medium of 70's rock legends, The Eagles.
Did you ever wonder why men born before the cultural Hiroshima/Nagasaki that was Nirvana/Radiohead seem to just have an infinitely greater perspective on women and love in general? Its not age.
No no, its The Eagles.
Take my father for instance. I thought my dad was basically just a button-down 'chode' (to use common parlance) - a nice guy but my dad. Wears anoraks, walks around mountains, likes to make sure the rubbish has been taken out before locking the doors twice and going to bed at 10pm.
Then all of a sudden, I'm 16 and he's drunk, and for some reason he tells me that, in his opinion, anal sex with girls is impractical. Then later he informs me that 'threesomes are overrated'.
I find out a couple of years later that my mum was married when he met her...WHAT THE FUCK?
And what records do we find sitting proudly in my father's vinyl collection...? Lot and lots of Eagles. A whole flock.
Much as I love the work of Messrs Cobain and Yorke, you have to have some love for The Eagles. It was as if one day they all got together and someone said, 'Right chaps. Lets take a lot of Class A drugs, drink a lot of tequila, hire a private jet, and fly around singing songs about pimping.'
It was Snoop Dogg before Snoop D-Oh-Double G was out of kids school.
Now, the Eagles did heartbreak. Boy oh boy did they do heartbreak. But you would never find them singing, 'I'm a creep, I'm a wierdo' ?
HELL NO.
When faced with a potential break-up, Glenn Frey is to be found belting out:
"Let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo"
The woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo being critical to an Eagles' life.
Glenn Frey DOES NOT ACCEPT SECOND BEST. HELL NO!
You see, life as an Eagle is simple, because its all about YOU. Its not about the girls. Sure, you will get the heartbreak, and the sadness, but its OK. In the end it all works out, because as an Eagle, you understand that the hero in this story is YOU. Later in the same song ('Already Gone'), this point is examined in depth by our resident phallic philosopher, Frey:
"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"
You see, not just anyone can be an Eagle. But, like the missionaries from the Catholic church sent to colonies in the Amazonian jungle, The Eagles descend from their lofty skies to bless us with their wisdom; to offer us a vision of life 'beyond the wall'.
It is my firm belief that The Good Prophet Don Henley sought to offer us a hand to salvation in his scripture, 'Desperado', a paean to the heartbroken man lost in the deserts of despair.
Prophet Henley begins by warning the eponymous hero that he should be careful what he pursues:
'Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet'
See, Prophet Henley has spent time around these 'Queens of Diamonds' ...he knows their game, as discussed in an earlier work ('Lyin Eyes') in which an unfaithful, money-hunting WAG unravels in an externally-validated breakdown of some magnitude. As she begins to cry, Prophet Henley arrives (on some kind of golden drumkit I imagine), to deliver the following sermon:
'My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be'
As Prophet Henley has discovered, a leopard does not change its spots. These are the '...city girls [who] just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile.' Prophet Henley has discovered this, in order to save suffering for us mere mortals ('shave time off our learning curve' - The Seduction Community, c.2006).
Returning to 'Desperado', the wanderer is forewarned to choose his women carefully:
'These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow '
So how can one redeem oneself in the eyes of Prophets Henley and Frey? The answer is revealed in a work of Tolle-esque profundity, and it is surely as simple as any of the little German herbert's teachings. In short it is:
Take it easy.
To expand fully,
'Take it easy,
Take it easy,
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.'
This message was delivered from on high by Cardinal Frey when he was facing some incredible tests:
'Well I'm running down the road, trying to loosen my load
I got seven women on my mind.
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine.'
Upon receiving and understanding the wisdom of his 'take it easy' mantra, Cardinal Frey is magically rewarded by yet more women:
'Its a girl my lord,
In a flat bed 4,
Slowing down to take a look at me.'
Did someone say 'pimp'?
Now, not all of us can lead the life of magical abundance that a true Eagle lives. Many of us picked up these vinyls in search of wisdom to lead us into the light. The world of cocaine busts and 3-way guitar solos. It is in these times, these times of transformation, that we need be most careful. For it is in these times, as noted in the sermon 'One of These Nights', that:
'Loneliness will blind you, in between the wrong and the right.'
And having heeded Prophet Henley's earlier teachings about city girls and queens of diamonds, it is only right that we truly take on board this warning, and act accordingly. This was a time in his life when he was, self-confessedly, 'searching for the daughter of the devil himself, searching for an angel in white. I [was] searching for a woman who's a little of both, I [could] feel her but she [was] nowhere in sight.'
It was in this period of wilderness, that many Eagles have been known to turn to drink. In particular, tequila. Cardinal Frey experimented with the demon drink, as recalled in his memoir 'Tequila Sunrise':
'She wasn't just another woman
And I couldn't keep from comin' on
It's been so long
Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb '
Drunk and confused, Cardinal Frey sought to find another method to feel good. These shots of courage cannot save us. The key, for any TRUE Eagle, is to understand that good feelings are born within (alternatively: take a shitload of coke). By understanding this, the young Eagle can make his way through the tough times, through the heartbreaks and the sadness, and through the pimp-concerns of 7 women.
And his reward?
The Eagle is rewarded with a woman and a relationship based on wholly good feelings. He is no longer searching for someone to 'complete' him; merely someone who can add to him. The revered 'Peaceful Easy Feeling' defines this:
"I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the
ground
And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
Ah, but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
and I gotta peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground"
So there you have it, The Eagles' Guide To Pimping.
:)
Did you ever wonder why men born before the cultural Hiroshima/Nagasaki that was Nirvana/Radiohead seem to just have an infinitely greater perspective on women and love in general? Its not age.
No no, its The Eagles.
Take my father for instance. I thought my dad was basically just a button-down 'chode' (to use common parlance) - a nice guy but my dad. Wears anoraks, walks around mountains, likes to make sure the rubbish has been taken out before locking the doors twice and going to bed at 10pm.
Then all of a sudden, I'm 16 and he's drunk, and for some reason he tells me that, in his opinion, anal sex with girls is impractical. Then later he informs me that 'threesomes are overrated'.
I find out a couple of years later that my mum was married when he met her...WHAT THE FUCK?
And what records do we find sitting proudly in my father's vinyl collection...? Lot and lots of Eagles. A whole flock.
Much as I love the work of Messrs Cobain and Yorke, you have to have some love for The Eagles. It was as if one day they all got together and someone said, 'Right chaps. Lets take a lot of Class A drugs, drink a lot of tequila, hire a private jet, and fly around singing songs about pimping.'
It was Snoop Dogg before Snoop D-Oh-Double G was out of kids school.
Now, the Eagles did heartbreak. Boy oh boy did they do heartbreak. But you would never find them singing, 'I'm a creep, I'm a wierdo' ?
HELL NO.
When faced with a potential break-up, Glenn Frey is to be found belting out:
"Let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo"
The woo hoo hoo, woo hoo hoo being critical to an Eagles' life.
Glenn Frey DOES NOT ACCEPT SECOND BEST. HELL NO!
You see, life as an Eagle is simple, because its all about YOU. Its not about the girls. Sure, you will get the heartbreak, and the sadness, but its OK. In the end it all works out, because as an Eagle, you understand that the hero in this story is YOU. Later in the same song ('Already Gone'), this point is examined in depth by our resident phallic philosopher, Frey:
"Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key"
You see, not just anyone can be an Eagle. But, like the missionaries from the Catholic church sent to colonies in the Amazonian jungle, The Eagles descend from their lofty skies to bless us with their wisdom; to offer us a vision of life 'beyond the wall'.
It is my firm belief that The Good Prophet Don Henley sought to offer us a hand to salvation in his scripture, 'Desperado', a paean to the heartbroken man lost in the deserts of despair.
Prophet Henley begins by warning the eponymous hero that he should be careful what he pursues:
'Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet'
See, Prophet Henley has spent time around these 'Queens of Diamonds' ...he knows their game, as discussed in an earlier work ('Lyin Eyes') in which an unfaithful, money-hunting WAG unravels in an externally-validated breakdown of some magnitude. As she begins to cry, Prophet Henley arrives (on some kind of golden drumkit I imagine), to deliver the following sermon:
'My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be'
As Prophet Henley has discovered, a leopard does not change its spots. These are the '...city girls [who] just seem to find out early, how to open doors with just a smile.' Prophet Henley has discovered this, in order to save suffering for us mere mortals ('shave time off our learning curve' - The Seduction Community, c.2006).
Returning to 'Desperado', the wanderer is forewarned to choose his women carefully:
'These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow '
So how can one redeem oneself in the eyes of Prophets Henley and Frey? The answer is revealed in a work of Tolle-esque profundity, and it is surely as simple as any of the little German herbert's teachings. In short it is:
Take it easy.
To expand fully,
'Take it easy,
Take it easy,
Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy.'
This message was delivered from on high by Cardinal Frey when he was facing some incredible tests:
'Well I'm running down the road, trying to loosen my load
I got seven women on my mind.
Four that wanna own me,
Two that wanna stone me,
One says she's a friend of mine.'
Upon receiving and understanding the wisdom of his 'take it easy' mantra, Cardinal Frey is magically rewarded by yet more women:
'Its a girl my lord,
In a flat bed 4,
Slowing down to take a look at me.'
Did someone say 'pimp'?
Now, not all of us can lead the life of magical abundance that a true Eagle lives. Many of us picked up these vinyls in search of wisdom to lead us into the light. The world of cocaine busts and 3-way guitar solos. It is in these times, these times of transformation, that we need be most careful. For it is in these times, as noted in the sermon 'One of These Nights', that:
'Loneliness will blind you, in between the wrong and the right.'
And having heeded Prophet Henley's earlier teachings about city girls and queens of diamonds, it is only right that we truly take on board this warning, and act accordingly. This was a time in his life when he was, self-confessedly, 'searching for the daughter of the devil himself, searching for an angel in white. I [was] searching for a woman who's a little of both, I [could] feel her but she [was] nowhere in sight.'
It was in this period of wilderness, that many Eagles have been known to turn to drink. In particular, tequila. Cardinal Frey experimented with the demon drink, as recalled in his memoir 'Tequila Sunrise':
'She wasn't just another woman
And I couldn't keep from comin' on
It's been so long
Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb '
Drunk and confused, Cardinal Frey sought to find another method to feel good. These shots of courage cannot save us. The key, for any TRUE Eagle, is to understand that good feelings are born within (alternatively: take a shitload of coke). By understanding this, the young Eagle can make his way through the tough times, through the heartbreaks and the sadness, and through the pimp-concerns of 7 women.
And his reward?
The Eagle is rewarded with a woman and a relationship based on wholly good feelings. He is no longer searching for someone to 'complete' him; merely someone who can add to him. The revered 'Peaceful Easy Feeling' defines this:
"I gotta peaceful easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the
ground
And I found out a long time ago
what a woman can do to your soul
Ah, but she can't take you anyway
You don't already know how to go
and I gotta peaceful, easy feeling
and I know you won't let me down
'cause I'm already standing on the ground"
So there you have it, The Eagles' Guide To Pimping.
:)
Saturday, 7 February 2009
New Opener - Field Tested
Hello
so me and Flower came up with a particularly genius new opener last night. It was our only opener for the night, and was about 85% succesful. Goes something like this:
"Hey guys, quick question. Do you know that Skynet has become self-aware?"
BEAUTIFUL
hahahaha :)
Inspired by Christian "I'll kick your fuckin' ass" Bale.
so me and Flower came up with a particularly genius new opener last night. It was our only opener for the night, and was about 85% succesful. Goes something like this:
"Hey guys, quick question. Do you know that Skynet has become self-aware?"
BEAUTIFUL
hahahaha :)
Inspired by Christian "I'll kick your fuckin' ass" Bale.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Sorted...;)
I suppose a lot of my posts since my visit to 'LTR-land' have seemed kinda doubtful about 'where to go'. I remember Lowdash and a few others picked this up when I asked for questions on my 1-year since bootcamp thread.
Here's the thing...for me its always felt kinda wierd being in this community. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I have met a lot of great friends, but something always seems kinda off. I can't really explain it beyond that, except that I suppose pornography is wierd in a similar way. Everyone does it but no-one talks about it.
Anyway, the thought on my mind has been about whether to go further in or further out of the community. Yeah, I realise this is presumably looking at it more dramatically than maybe I should, but look...I'm an obsessive learner. When I was at uni, I studied guitar with a metronome for 7 hours a day. No reason, I just liked to. That obsessive streak carried over into PU.
Which was good for a while. I would go out, sleep, go to the office and spend the whole day reading mASF archives, go home, hit the forum, go out. This was entirely necessary as a newbie starting out from nothing.
The irony was that, even through all this, I would be reading posts which said 'develop your life'. And all I really had was PU. I quit my band, broke up with my girlfriend...and the one thing that was left was the faceless hordes in each identikit club across the country.
Now, I had GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME, haha. But there comes a point when you think, '...and?'. I mean, yes, I can get laid. So what?
There was talk of the internship in London with RSD, which would have been cool. But the recession hit, the jobs in London I wanted went, and RSD starting making cutbacks. To go down this route, would have been to get further into the game.
So I started thinking about the other. Coming away from the boards, like a baby getting past sucking its dummy. Kinda scary, kinda wierd thought for an obsessive soul like me. If I wasn't out in the clubs, I was on the boards. If I wasn't on the boards and was, say, watching a film or reading a book, my mind would be joining the dots between that story and whichever theory I was hot on at the time.
TBH...this kinda thinking wore me out. I don't know any naturals that read this shit. I don't really see much value in the boards anyway (long gone are the glory days of Jack Diesel, Westley Pipes, Pimpski), and there's a curiously misogynistic undertone. A shitheap of negativity. Which was getting into my personality and coming out in my interactions. JADED...
I thought about it some more. That external part of me - 'game' is on lockdown. Sorted. The interal part of me will always grow. But is that growth being held back by the same thing that purports to develop it?
I will always remember Tim saying, 'to seek to be a natural is to deny that you are already one'.
So why on earth was I studying this shit all day?? What message was that sending out to my subconscious?
Add the latent macho self-aggrandisement and I had enough reasons to take a little raincheck on the obsession.
Its almost wierd feeling to me. Like, I'm just 'me' now. There are no great tactics. I mean, we are supposed to model ourselves on the dudes we want to be like, and fuck all guys I want to be like spends hours poring over forums about TRYING to pickup girls.
To me, those early 18 months were critical...it provided the platform. But that platform is useless without being built upon. And that building comes through life, development, and personal excellence.
I've always felt like PU was like the film 'Face/Off'. Slightly odd analogy, but what I mean was that it was about bringing new qualities and aligning them with your old core passions.
I've done stuff like this before but I'm really going at it now. I've banned RSDN because, frankly, I was there too much. I'm going to my meditation classes and starting to meditate daily. I'm exercising. I've bought tons of new clothes and stocked my wardrobe. I've cleaned my room and wiped the crap (not literally, obv...) off the walls. I am seeing the value for ME in exercising, eating well and getting an early night, as opposed to 'trying to pickup chicks'.
I'm making sure to cook myself a meal every day, even when I can't be arsed. Because it makes me feel good. I'm reading Tony Robbins and have set up a book club about that. I've rejoined Amnesty International. And most importantly I AM STUDYING MY MUSIC AGAIN
I am starting to get my passion back for music, I'm starting toget that itch again ;)
As Jedi always told me, 'BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!!!'
The purpose of all this is simple: FEEL GOOD. And by that, bring good feelings into the lives of those around me. Because really getting laid is fun but its not like this 48hr 'buzz' that it used to be. Its just like playing a fun computer game or something.
So I'm turning my life into a state-generating machine, for me.
Peace
PS. I realise this sounds a lot like Jeffy's speech in Transformations. I have not been at this for as long as that man, but yeah, it does ring true.
Here's the thing...for me its always felt kinda wierd being in this community. Don't get me wrong, I love it and I have met a lot of great friends, but something always seems kinda off. I can't really explain it beyond that, except that I suppose pornography is wierd in a similar way. Everyone does it but no-one talks about it.
Anyway, the thought on my mind has been about whether to go further in or further out of the community. Yeah, I realise this is presumably looking at it more dramatically than maybe I should, but look...I'm an obsessive learner. When I was at uni, I studied guitar with a metronome for 7 hours a day. No reason, I just liked to. That obsessive streak carried over into PU.
Which was good for a while. I would go out, sleep, go to the office and spend the whole day reading mASF archives, go home, hit the forum, go out. This was entirely necessary as a newbie starting out from nothing.
The irony was that, even through all this, I would be reading posts which said 'develop your life'. And all I really had was PU. I quit my band, broke up with my girlfriend...and the one thing that was left was the faceless hordes in each identikit club across the country.
Now, I had GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME, haha. But there comes a point when you think, '...and?'. I mean, yes, I can get laid. So what?
There was talk of the internship in London with RSD, which would have been cool. But the recession hit, the jobs in London I wanted went, and RSD starting making cutbacks. To go down this route, would have been to get further into the game.
So I started thinking about the other. Coming away from the boards, like a baby getting past sucking its dummy. Kinda scary, kinda wierd thought for an obsessive soul like me. If I wasn't out in the clubs, I was on the boards. If I wasn't on the boards and was, say, watching a film or reading a book, my mind would be joining the dots between that story and whichever theory I was hot on at the time.
TBH...this kinda thinking wore me out. I don't know any naturals that read this shit. I don't really see much value in the boards anyway (long gone are the glory days of Jack Diesel, Westley Pipes, Pimpski), and there's a curiously misogynistic undertone. A shitheap of negativity. Which was getting into my personality and coming out in my interactions. JADED...
I thought about it some more. That external part of me - 'game' is on lockdown. Sorted. The interal part of me will always grow. But is that growth being held back by the same thing that purports to develop it?
I will always remember Tim saying, 'to seek to be a natural is to deny that you are already one'.
So why on earth was I studying this shit all day?? What message was that sending out to my subconscious?
Add the latent macho self-aggrandisement and I had enough reasons to take a little raincheck on the obsession.
Its almost wierd feeling to me. Like, I'm just 'me' now. There are no great tactics. I mean, we are supposed to model ourselves on the dudes we want to be like, and fuck all guys I want to be like spends hours poring over forums about TRYING to pickup girls.
To me, those early 18 months were critical...it provided the platform. But that platform is useless without being built upon. And that building comes through life, development, and personal excellence.
I've always felt like PU was like the film 'Face/Off'. Slightly odd analogy, but what I mean was that it was about bringing new qualities and aligning them with your old core passions.
I've done stuff like this before but I'm really going at it now. I've banned RSDN because, frankly, I was there too much. I'm going to my meditation classes and starting to meditate daily. I'm exercising. I've bought tons of new clothes and stocked my wardrobe. I've cleaned my room and wiped the crap (not literally, obv...) off the walls. I am seeing the value for ME in exercising, eating well and getting an early night, as opposed to 'trying to pickup chicks'.
I'm making sure to cook myself a meal every day, even when I can't be arsed. Because it makes me feel good. I'm reading Tony Robbins and have set up a book club about that. I've rejoined Amnesty International. And most importantly I AM STUDYING MY MUSIC AGAIN
I am starting to get my passion back for music, I'm starting toget that itch again ;)
As Jedi always told me, 'BUILD IT AND THEY WILL COME!!!'
The purpose of all this is simple: FEEL GOOD. And by that, bring good feelings into the lives of those around me. Because really getting laid is fun but its not like this 48hr 'buzz' that it used to be. Its just like playing a fun computer game or something.
So I'm turning my life into a state-generating machine, for me.
Peace
PS. I realise this sounds a lot like Jeffy's speech in Transformations. I have not been at this for as long as that man, but yeah, it does ring true.
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Confusion - more game, or less game?
Blunt post...
At this point, 18 months 'in', I'm quite confused as to where I want to go with game. Part of me thinks it would be cool to go even further in and become some technical super-game wizard, but part of me just thinks it pretty much unnecessary. Theory intrigues me but also really turns me off. Same thing with the 'community', at times I think its cool and constructive but at times it just seems immature and kinda gay (Red haired goth girl etc)
So it feels a bit like a crossroads. I'm doing well, pulling regularly, but i'm not sure whether to go further in, or just move on. Is game helping me or holding me back? Because it still seems very much in the community that there is a culture of trying to get girls, which to me feels really really unnatural. Of course i am focusing on my life and building up *me*, but its me IRL, not me as a PUA.
Thoughts appreciated.
At this point, 18 months 'in', I'm quite confused as to where I want to go with game. Part of me thinks it would be cool to go even further in and become some technical super-game wizard, but part of me just thinks it pretty much unnecessary. Theory intrigues me but also really turns me off. Same thing with the 'community', at times I think its cool and constructive but at times it just seems immature and kinda gay (Red haired goth girl etc)
So it feels a bit like a crossroads. I'm doing well, pulling regularly, but i'm not sure whether to go further in, or just move on. Is game helping me or holding me back? Because it still seems very much in the community that there is a culture of trying to get girls, which to me feels really really unnatural. Of course i am focusing on my life and building up *me*, but its me IRL, not me as a PUA.
Thoughts appreciated.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
At the minute, I'm really not into learning game. Sure, I go out, but its been so long since I read a tactic or line or anything like that. It just doesn't really interest me.
My primary focus is putting myself in the right state and then going from there. It all tends to fall into place. I consider myself a natural.
If I use 'the game', its more the morning after to see what worked and what didn't.
Sometimes things just work so easy, and sometimes they do not. Throughout it all, its important to stay chill.
3 examples from last night:
1. I was with girl #1, lets call her Stacy. Stacy has a boyfriend but wants to go home with me. We've been setting up logistics. Forget 'boyfriend-destroyers', she's done it all of her own accord. I have fucked this girl previous and she's telling me how good it is.
So Stacy introduces me to her friends. First girl, hug and a kiss, second girl, hug and a kiss, third girl just takes me and makes out with me. WTF. I did nothing.
So that was the good part. But the bad part is when another of her friends keeps reminding her of being faithful, and eventually physically pulls her away from me. We promise to text each other in a bit, but there's no signal in the club.
2. Flower had come out with us, which was fucking ace. Top bloke! He opens a seated two-set; he's doing great but the friend is clearly feeling left out. So I open her with, 'Aw...left out?' Boom, I am in.
CLAW CLAW CLAW, God I love the claw. It is a great thing.
Another friend comes over and says: "KATY...You have a BOYFRIEND" then goes away. I say, 'Boyfriend?' and she says, 'Yes, and he didn't even make any effort to come home for my birthday', as she rubs her hand up the inside of my thigh.
Er...ONnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Anyway I kiss this girl and she's a bit like 'whoa' about it but stays there so its clearly all good. Unfortunately things get a bit wierd as the angry friend and the girl's COUSIN turn up and stand above us as we are cuddling, looking down at us with angry looks. This eventually wierds the girls out enough to leave. Ouch.
3. Girl is dressed up in army clothes fancy dress walks past. I take her hat off her head. Leads to a lot of cocky banter. Example, she is studying to be a dentist so I keep criticising her teeth. However I used to often stall out in this 'attraction' phase, so I came up with a little solution that goes like this:
"OK we can be nice now"
"Huh?"
"Yeah I'm serious, we can be nice."
Then usually from there I'll just ask legit questions, isolate, and escalate. It turns quite cherishy at that point, the plastic romance of a nightclub. It has to be at the right point though; when you know her buying temp is high enough to pull but she knows nothing about you - its like a way to legislate flash game to a more succesful consistent pull.
Usually I tell her she can ask three questions about me and I will answer honestly. This girl, the first question she asks is:
"Where do you live?"
;)
So I go for extraction pretty fast on this girl, its about 1am. When I tell her we need to go I can straight away see the LMR alarm about to go off so I quickly switch to, 'Yeah Im hungry, gotta get the food"
Pull her out the club. Makeouts and a bit of fingering at the cashpoint, classy.
Walk through the city with our arms round each other, getting to know this girl. Its going swimmingly, until her girlfriend cockblock of DOOM calls up when we are in the taxi. She's having some urgent girl drama, tears and all that, and instead of getting my girl back to mine I have to drop her off at her friends. Oooooooooooooouch.
Still, get the number. When I put the wrong numbers in she was quick to correct me. Texted her up when I got back, she replied. So basically, what was flash game initially (i.e. open --> makeout in under two minutes) became more solid and is now a legitimate girl texting me open to the possibility of a date.
Anyway, the theme of the night, you win some you lose some, shit happens. But if you stay happy and chill, the girls are going to want to stay in touch with you.
Peace!
My primary focus is putting myself in the right state and then going from there. It all tends to fall into place. I consider myself a natural.
If I use 'the game', its more the morning after to see what worked and what didn't.
Sometimes things just work so easy, and sometimes they do not. Throughout it all, its important to stay chill.
3 examples from last night:
1. I was with girl #1, lets call her Stacy. Stacy has a boyfriend but wants to go home with me. We've been setting up logistics. Forget 'boyfriend-destroyers', she's done it all of her own accord. I have fucked this girl previous and she's telling me how good it is.
So Stacy introduces me to her friends. First girl, hug and a kiss, second girl, hug and a kiss, third girl just takes me and makes out with me. WTF. I did nothing.
So that was the good part. But the bad part is when another of her friends keeps reminding her of being faithful, and eventually physically pulls her away from me. We promise to text each other in a bit, but there's no signal in the club.
2. Flower had come out with us, which was fucking ace. Top bloke! He opens a seated two-set; he's doing great but the friend is clearly feeling left out. So I open her with, 'Aw...left out?' Boom, I am in.
CLAW CLAW CLAW, God I love the claw. It is a great thing.
Another friend comes over and says: "KATY...You have a BOYFRIEND" then goes away. I say, 'Boyfriend?' and she says, 'Yes, and he didn't even make any effort to come home for my birthday', as she rubs her hand up the inside of my thigh.
Er...ONnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Anyway I kiss this girl and she's a bit like 'whoa' about it but stays there so its clearly all good. Unfortunately things get a bit wierd as the angry friend and the girl's COUSIN turn up and stand above us as we are cuddling, looking down at us with angry looks. This eventually wierds the girls out enough to leave. Ouch.
3. Girl is dressed up in army clothes fancy dress walks past. I take her hat off her head. Leads to a lot of cocky banter. Example, she is studying to be a dentist so I keep criticising her teeth. However I used to often stall out in this 'attraction' phase, so I came up with a little solution that goes like this:
"OK we can be nice now"
"Huh?"
"Yeah I'm serious, we can be nice."
Then usually from there I'll just ask legit questions, isolate, and escalate. It turns quite cherishy at that point, the plastic romance of a nightclub. It has to be at the right point though; when you know her buying temp is high enough to pull but she knows nothing about you - its like a way to legislate flash game to a more succesful consistent pull.
Usually I tell her she can ask three questions about me and I will answer honestly. This girl, the first question she asks is:
"Where do you live?"
;)
So I go for extraction pretty fast on this girl, its about 1am. When I tell her we need to go I can straight away see the LMR alarm about to go off so I quickly switch to, 'Yeah Im hungry, gotta get the food"
Pull her out the club. Makeouts and a bit of fingering at the cashpoint, classy.
Walk through the city with our arms round each other, getting to know this girl. Its going swimmingly, until her girlfriend cockblock of DOOM calls up when we are in the taxi. She's having some urgent girl drama, tears and all that, and instead of getting my girl back to mine I have to drop her off at her friends. Oooooooooooooouch.
Still, get the number. When I put the wrong numbers in she was quick to correct me. Texted her up when I got back, she replied. So basically, what was flash game initially (i.e. open --> makeout in under two minutes) became more solid and is now a legitimate girl texting me open to the possibility of a date.
Anyway, the theme of the night, you win some you lose some, shit happens. But if you stay happy and chill, the girls are going to want to stay in touch with you.
Peace!
Thursday, 22 January 2009
The "Gay For Tony Robbins" Book Club...#1
If you've ever watched 'Worlds Strongest Man', you'll be familiar with the Atlas Stones. These stones, presumably made up but titled to indicate some semblance of mythological importance, have to be lifted up onto podiums above the contestants' shoulders. And of course, they get heavier and heavier. The final stone weighs about 67 tonnes. Allegedly.
In literary terms, Tony Robbins' 'Awaken the Giant Within' is my final Atlas Stone. Its big, and its clever. One of those books I get halfway through then my mind just permanently goes on vacation until, one day, I decide to read it again yet completely forget what I had read previously, and start again until the brain vacates once again later down the line. I had been planning to maintain this Sisyphean task until, ooh, at least my mid-thirties, but once I found out Chris had been recommended to read the very same book at the behest of Ozzie, I decided we could support and nurture ourselves through this arduous task...
I'm joking - its a great book. But we are working through two chapters each week, then setting goals and having discussion once a week on what we had just read. It gives us some more accountability, plus helps us learn and get more familiar with each concept.
This week, we finished reading Chapter 6. Here are my notes (Chris, the tasks for next week are at the bottom!):
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6:
"How To Change Anything In Your Life: The Science of Neuro-Associative Conditioning"
-Pleasure and pain are the primary motivating factors in our lives
-People will sometimes use abusive and destructive behavioural patterns to take them pain to pleasure
-These behaviours become strengthened through repetition.
Tony Robbins proposes a six-step method to changing unhelpful behaviour patterns in our lives:
STEP ONE
"Decide What You Really Want & What's Preventing You From Having It Now"
-We get whatever we focus on in life. If we focus on what we don't want, we'll have more of it.
-The first step to creating any change is deciding what you do want so that you have something to move towards.
-We also need to identify what it is that is preventing us from having what we want, or from making the changes necessary to get what we want - is it fear of pain, the unknown, laziness?
STEP TWO
"Get Leverage!"
-Change is not a question of capability but a question of motivation.
-The only way we're going to make a change NOW is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we are compelled to follow through.
-It is not a question of whether we can do it, but rather a question of whether we will do it. Whether we will or not comes down to our level of motivation, which in turn comes down to the twin powers of pleasure and pain.
-We have mixed emotions when we link both pain and pleasure to changing (think: approach anxiety), which causes our brain to be uncertain as to what to do. This keeps us from fully harnessing the incredible power of our brains for the capacity to change.
-The concept of the PAIN THRESHOLD - when it is no longer about wanting to change, or understanding that you should change. The pain threshold is crossed when we know at our deepest emotional and most basic sensory level that we simply must change.
-Great quote: "He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how"
-The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. From knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards in life is the ultimate pain.
-Tony advocates asking pain-inducing questions about the cost of not changing: "What will this cost me if I don't change?" Most of us are so busy estimating the price of change that we don't ever consider the price of not changing.
-We should also consider the effects of our not-changing on the greater ecosystems of our lives (friends, family, relationships etc).
-Then Tony asks us to ask pleasure-associating questions to the idea of making the change: "How will it make me feel about myself?" etc.
The key is to get lots of reasons, or better yet, strong enough reasons, why the change should take place immediately, not someday in the future. If you are not driven to make the change right now, then you don't really have leverage.
STEP THREE:
"Interrupt The Limiting Pattern"
In this section Tony develops the idea of how constant repetition of behaviourally-conditioned actions strengthens them and reduces our ability to control them.
-What you must do is reorganize your neural pathways so that they consistently guide you in the directions of your desires rather than your frustrations and fears.
Tony refers to the metaphor of a record player - how it plays the same each time the needle hits the groove. What happens though, if we were to scratch over that record, dozens of times, back and forth? Would it still play the same?
This is an important technique in getting over self-defeating tendencies. People can also derive benefit from the very thing they seek to change (pity, attention, self-righteousness etc).
One way we can 'scratch the record' is by committing to a bizarre turn of behaviour each time the pattern begins:
-jumping in the air singing HALLELUJAH
-sticking our fingers in our noses
etc
Tony also talks about the 'Scramble Pattern', which is great, but is described perfectly in the book (p.133).
STEP FOUR
"Create a New, Empowering Alternative"
This is crucial, because clearly the old habit gave us some benefit. We need to find another, more healthy way, to receive that benefit.
-The failure by most people to find an alternative way of getting out of pain and into the feelings of pleasure is the major reason most people's attempts at change are only temporary.
-Linking pain, interrupting patterns etc is futile if you have nothing to replace the old pattern!
-Remember, all of your neurological patterns are designed to help you get out of pain and into pleasure. These patterns are well established, and while they may have negative side effects, if you've learned that a habit can get you out of pain, you'll go back to it again and again since you've found no better way to get the feelings you desire.
-If we are stuck for ways to find that alternative, model people who have turned things around for themselves.
STEP FIVE:
"Condition The New Pattern Until It's Consistent"
-The simplest way to condition something is simply to rehearse it again and again until a neurological way is created. If you find an empowering alternative, imagine doing it until you see that it can get you out of pain and into pleasure quickly.
-If you rehearse the new, empowering alternative again and again with tremendous emotional intensity, you'll carve out a pathway, and with even more repetition and emotion, it will become a highway to this new way of achieving results, and it will become a part of your habitual behaviour. Remember, your brain can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience.
-Realise that you and I can condition any behaviour within ourselves if we do it with enough repetition and emotional intensity.
-Then we need to set up a schedule for immediate reinforcement of our new behaviours. Set up short-term goals and as they are met, reward ourselves immediately.
-Any pattern of emotion or behaviour that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.
**The most important thing to remember about conditioning, is to reinforce the desired behaviour immediately. The minute you find yourself responding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Remember, each time you create a strong emotional feeling, either positive or negative, you're creating a connection in your nervous system.
Conditioning is critical. This is how we produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern of emotional behaviour that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis will become conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.**
STEP SIX:
"Test It!"
-We need to test our response to see if it has become conditioned. One way of doing this is by 'future pacing'. This means that you imagine the situation that used to frustrate you, for example, and notice if in fact it still makes you feel frustrated or if your new pattern of feeling "fascinated" has replace it.
-In addition, you must test the ecology of the change you've just made. What will the impact of these changes you've made in yourself have on those around you? Make certain that this new pattern will be appropriate, based on your current lifestyle, beliefs and values.
Thats it! This book is great, if rather dense. Finding someone who can read it along with you makes it much more fun and involving.
STUDY FOR NEXT WEEK:
In literary terms, Tony Robbins' 'Awaken the Giant Within' is my final Atlas Stone. Its big, and its clever. One of those books I get halfway through then my mind just permanently goes on vacation until, one day, I decide to read it again yet completely forget what I had read previously, and start again until the brain vacates once again later down the line. I had been planning to maintain this Sisyphean task until, ooh, at least my mid-thirties, but once I found out Chris had been recommended to read the very same book at the behest of Ozzie, I decided we could support and nurture ourselves through this arduous task...
I'm joking - its a great book. But we are working through two chapters each week, then setting goals and having discussion once a week on what we had just read. It gives us some more accountability, plus helps us learn and get more familiar with each concept.
This week, we finished reading Chapter 6. Here are my notes (Chris, the tasks for next week are at the bottom!):
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHAPTER 6:
"How To Change Anything In Your Life: The Science of Neuro-Associative Conditioning"
-Pleasure and pain are the primary motivating factors in our lives
-People will sometimes use abusive and destructive behavioural patterns to take them pain to pleasure
-These behaviours become strengthened through repetition.
Tony Robbins proposes a six-step method to changing unhelpful behaviour patterns in our lives:
STEP ONE
"Decide What You Really Want & What's Preventing You From Having It Now"
-We get whatever we focus on in life. If we focus on what we don't want, we'll have more of it.
-The first step to creating any change is deciding what you do want so that you have something to move towards.
-We also need to identify what it is that is preventing us from having what we want, or from making the changes necessary to get what we want - is it fear of pain, the unknown, laziness?
STEP TWO
"Get Leverage!"
-Change is not a question of capability but a question of motivation.
-The only way we're going to make a change NOW is if we create a sense of urgency that's so intense that we are compelled to follow through.
-It is not a question of whether we can do it, but rather a question of whether we will do it. Whether we will or not comes down to our level of motivation, which in turn comes down to the twin powers of pleasure and pain.
-We have mixed emotions when we link both pain and pleasure to changing (think: approach anxiety), which causes our brain to be uncertain as to what to do. This keeps us from fully harnessing the incredible power of our brains for the capacity to change.
-The concept of the PAIN THRESHOLD - when it is no longer about wanting to change, or understanding that you should change. The pain threshold is crossed when we know at our deepest emotional and most basic sensory level that we simply must change.
-Great quote: "He who has a strong enough why can bear almost any how"
-The greatest leverage you can create for yourself is the pain that comes from inside, not outside. From knowing that you have failed to live up to your own standards in life is the ultimate pain.
-Tony advocates asking pain-inducing questions about the cost of not changing: "What will this cost me if I don't change?" Most of us are so busy estimating the price of change that we don't ever consider the price of not changing.
-We should also consider the effects of our not-changing on the greater ecosystems of our lives (friends, family, relationships etc).
-Then Tony asks us to ask pleasure-associating questions to the idea of making the change: "How will it make me feel about myself?" etc.
The key is to get lots of reasons, or better yet, strong enough reasons, why the change should take place immediately, not someday in the future. If you are not driven to make the change right now, then you don't really have leverage.
STEP THREE:
"Interrupt The Limiting Pattern"
In this section Tony develops the idea of how constant repetition of behaviourally-conditioned actions strengthens them and reduces our ability to control them.
-What you must do is reorganize your neural pathways so that they consistently guide you in the directions of your desires rather than your frustrations and fears.
Tony refers to the metaphor of a record player - how it plays the same each time the needle hits the groove. What happens though, if we were to scratch over that record, dozens of times, back and forth? Would it still play the same?
This is an important technique in getting over self-defeating tendencies. People can also derive benefit from the very thing they seek to change (pity, attention, self-righteousness etc).
One way we can 'scratch the record' is by committing to a bizarre turn of behaviour each time the pattern begins:
-jumping in the air singing HALLELUJAH
-sticking our fingers in our noses
etc
Tony also talks about the 'Scramble Pattern', which is great, but is described perfectly in the book (p.133).
STEP FOUR
"Create a New, Empowering Alternative"
This is crucial, because clearly the old habit gave us some benefit. We need to find another, more healthy way, to receive that benefit.
-The failure by most people to find an alternative way of getting out of pain and into the feelings of pleasure is the major reason most people's attempts at change are only temporary.
-Linking pain, interrupting patterns etc is futile if you have nothing to replace the old pattern!
-Remember, all of your neurological patterns are designed to help you get out of pain and into pleasure. These patterns are well established, and while they may have negative side effects, if you've learned that a habit can get you out of pain, you'll go back to it again and again since you've found no better way to get the feelings you desire.
-If we are stuck for ways to find that alternative, model people who have turned things around for themselves.
STEP FIVE:
"Condition The New Pattern Until It's Consistent"
-The simplest way to condition something is simply to rehearse it again and again until a neurological way is created. If you find an empowering alternative, imagine doing it until you see that it can get you out of pain and into pleasure quickly.
-If you rehearse the new, empowering alternative again and again with tremendous emotional intensity, you'll carve out a pathway, and with even more repetition and emotion, it will become a highway to this new way of achieving results, and it will become a part of your habitual behaviour. Remember, your brain can't tell the difference between something you vividly imagine and something you actually experience.
-Realise that you and I can condition any behaviour within ourselves if we do it with enough repetition and emotional intensity.
-Then we need to set up a schedule for immediate reinforcement of our new behaviours. Set up short-term goals and as they are met, reward ourselves immediately.
-Any pattern of emotion or behaviour that is continually reinforced will become an automatic and conditioned response. Anything we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.
**The most important thing to remember about conditioning, is to reinforce the desired behaviour immediately. The minute you find yourself responding playfully to what used to frustrate you, reinforce yourself. Remember, each time you create a strong emotional feeling, either positive or negative, you're creating a connection in your nervous system.
Conditioning is critical. This is how we produce consistent results. Once again, remember that any pattern of emotional behaviour that is reinforced or rewarded on a consistent basis will become conditioned and automatic. Any pattern that we fail to reinforce will eventually dissipate.**
STEP SIX:
"Test It!"
-We need to test our response to see if it has become conditioned. One way of doing this is by 'future pacing'. This means that you imagine the situation that used to frustrate you, for example, and notice if in fact it still makes you feel frustrated or if your new pattern of feeling "fascinated" has replace it.
-In addition, you must test the ecology of the change you've just made. What will the impact of these changes you've made in yourself have on those around you? Make certain that this new pattern will be appropriate, based on your current lifestyle, beliefs and values.
Thats it! This book is great, if rather dense. Finding someone who can read it along with you makes it much more fun and involving.
STUDY FOR NEXT WEEK:
- Read Chapters 7 & 8
- Bring one example of a belief you failed to reinforce, that dissipated, and an example of a new belief you have been able to install in yourself
- Identify ONE negative behaviour pattern and apply the NAC six-step model to it. Make the commitment to following the model for as long as it takes. We will discuss this at the next book group meeting.
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