So I went to my first meditation class today. There's a place, about 20 minutes walk from my house, that is run on donations and offers all kinds of Buddhist activities.
I went because it still feels like my heart is in a knot. There are things that I have created, or have been created around me, that I had no clue how to deal with. And having control over my self is something important to me.
I had no real idea what to expect. Of course, like any half-cocked follower of Real Social Dynamics, I had read some Eckhart Tolle. But this was a true Buddhist meditation. I was mildly concerned that I'd be having to chant 'jai guru de'va' etc etc with tiny cymbals attached to my fingers, but I figured EVEN if that did happen...it would just be a funny story.
I knew that there was, of course, the opportunity that this might - just might - be a life-changing opportunity on my doorstep.
When I got there, I felt a bit like Damien from The Omen. I mean, everyone was so chilled out. As we went into the first guided meditation, my heart felt like it wanted to pop out of my chest. I had meditated a little before, but not like this. All the stress and bad chemicals around my heart were just...there. Our 'guru' (I don't even know what the proper name is for a Buddhist teacher) Sherab told us to observe the thoughts and feelings, and then experiment with staying with them, and letting them go. This was a preparatory meditative exercise.
I started feeling better, and exercising some jurisdiction over my internal state for once. Look, I know we read all this Tolle and Alan Watts and David Deida and every other guru around, but it is a different thing entirely to be within it's presence. It is similar to reading RSDN daily or simply doing a bootcamp. You could spend 3 hours every day on RSDN for your life and still not understand the concepts as clearly and as deeply as if you did a one-weekend bootcamp.
After 10-15 minutes, we came out of the meditation and Sherab and the group talked about two concepts vital to our ability to meditative success:
1. We have to want to be happy
2. We have to have belief
Sherab talked about how so many people don't truly 100% believe that simple meditation can provide them with happiness. That they still believe, even if only slightly, that some other external object is required for happiness. This kind of thinking will prevent succesful meditation. We have to believe - even to pretend for a short while - that our meditation can give us happiness.
We then went on a second guided meditation, this time much more deeply into the inner body, and our heart chakras. It was my heart chakra that was so tied up with anxiety beforehand, so at first this felt pretty uncomfortable. After 10 minutes or so, I started to feel better and the anxiety began to dissipate.
This was a longer meditation, and one I did not want to come out of. But we did, and then we shared a large group discussion on pride and humility.
This, if anyone has been reading my posts on RSDN, is a topic close to my heart. I've been very guilty of being very proud in the recent past.
I offered my perspective, that we as people put up walls so that, whilst I cannot get OUT to other people, nor can they get IN to me. What is a safety mechanism ends up restricting you and in fact making you deeply unhappy. That we seek to judge people as quick as possible so therefore they lose the 'power' to judge US; that I have subjugated them so their opinion will be worthless to me whatever.
Of course, this is a fallacy because it is built on insecurity and a bedrock of negative emotions so it only ever really makes us unhappy.
Ivan talked about the importance of understanding where things come from. The part that every person has to play in the process of this world. How even a checkout girl is important to us and our daily existence.
Sarah talked about how a Big Issue seller she used to walk past everyday on the way to her sales job, was actually a far better salesperson than her, when she took the time to get to know her. The difference was that their circumstances had simply been different. Is this something we should judge for??
Nev wondered out loud about why we see ourselves as islands and why we find it so hard to simply spread a little love out into the world. Why we are so scared to smile at someone, when it can only ever make the world a better place.
Sherab concluded by illustrating that, without others, we are nothing. That we do need other people. I really enjoyed this discussion, because for a long time I've had something of a chip on my shoulder, that I didn't need other people.
We talked a little more about what our goals were for the week ahead. I decided that I am going to appreciate the uniqueness of each person and their stories, and the value they bring to my life.
I really enjoyed this class. Now its an hour after it finished and already I can feel some of the old anxieties coming back, but this was just my first class. I understand that this is a practice for life, not just a quick fix, so I am definitely going back next week.
Cool!
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Progress Report
Yo...
So I am writing this for myself but maybe you will get something out of it, if you want ;]
Here's the deal.
I'm most likely to be leaving this city in April. I have the opportunity to live in a city-centre flat 'back home' - Liverpool - with my best mate. Out of the boys back home, some are what you would call semi-naturals. They get girls at a better rate than most normal people, but not at the rate that we all know is possible.
Also, they are what Ozzie and I called 'booze, coke, and status naturals' - i.e. they appear natural but are, like most people, dependant on external permittors to perform.
I LOVE these guys though. Best mates in the whole fucking world. Already agreed that my mate is going to be my best man when I decide to settle down.
However, I need to make sure that I am absolutely 100% solid in who I am before I return. I am a little worried that I would go back and undo all the good work of the past 18 months. Fear to approach in front of non-community friends. Dependance on booze and/or drugs. Fear of failure.
Basically, I need to make sure that I am bringing the good qualities I have developed with me, and that they stick!
With that in mind, I had a rough plan of action. As I wrote in my very first blog post, I have rough goals but they are constantly changing and evolving. Which is what has happened here...January was supposed to be just about dipping my toe back in the water following a very messy breakup 6 days before Christmas...January WAS SUPPOSED to just be chill and simple, not even on the pull. Getting used to being social was the M.O.
Instead, here are the results for the last 7 days:
Last Friday:
4 sets, 1 makeout, 1 number, 1 extraction
Last Saturday:
1 set, 1 lay
Friday:
4 sets, 2 makeouts, 1 number, 1 extraction (ASD when we couldn't find a taxi)
Saturday:
1 set, 1 makeout, fingering, 1 number
(yes...I get a little ego-kick out of writing that. But it serves a purpose too)
So, I am far far FAR ahead of schedule.
Which means that it is time to take stock, assess my goals and vision and see what I want to do with myself.
BRUTALLY SPEAKING:
The girls are not TURBO TURBO TURBO hot. Obviously last Friday's debacle was well-documented here on this blog, the low point of the week. The girl from Friday was hot, the girl from last Saturday was hot, but again we're talking more in the '8 out of 10' area.
My good man Jedi was always a big proponent of the Turbo Challenge so I think this is a good aim.
I'm wondering if I'm on some sort of quixotic quest to find the Holy Grail or some other shit...like Ozzie says, this rate of closing is 'top level'. Yet I'm still searching for something 'more'.
That 'more' is inside me though, it isn't in the girls. More on this later...
Anyway, I've gotten back into the swing of things like a duck to water. With the solid base established, its time to look at ways to improve yet further.
I'm thinking:
1. Its time for 4 nights a week again. Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, with an optional Monday night.
2. Sober again.
3. Play it smart. If its a work night, then bail at 1am unless I've already pulled or have a hot link set up. This way I'm going to be getting reasonable sleeping time.
4. Turbo times again.
I've done all these challenges before but now its about doing them at an even higher level, consistently, and at the same time. It's that kind of thing when you really feel the enthusiasm and excitement of what lies ahead.
Good times!
So I am writing this for myself but maybe you will get something out of it, if you want ;]
Here's the deal.
I'm most likely to be leaving this city in April. I have the opportunity to live in a city-centre flat 'back home' - Liverpool - with my best mate. Out of the boys back home, some are what you would call semi-naturals. They get girls at a better rate than most normal people, but not at the rate that we all know is possible.
Also, they are what Ozzie and I called 'booze, coke, and status naturals' - i.e. they appear natural but are, like most people, dependant on external permittors to perform.
I LOVE these guys though. Best mates in the whole fucking world. Already agreed that my mate is going to be my best man when I decide to settle down.
However, I need to make sure that I am absolutely 100% solid in who I am before I return. I am a little worried that I would go back and undo all the good work of the past 18 months. Fear to approach in front of non-community friends. Dependance on booze and/or drugs. Fear of failure.
Basically, I need to make sure that I am bringing the good qualities I have developed with me, and that they stick!
With that in mind, I had a rough plan of action. As I wrote in my very first blog post, I have rough goals but they are constantly changing and evolving. Which is what has happened here...January was supposed to be just about dipping my toe back in the water following a very messy breakup 6 days before Christmas...January WAS SUPPOSED to just be chill and simple, not even on the pull. Getting used to being social was the M.O.
Instead, here are the results for the last 7 days:
Last Friday:
4 sets, 1 makeout, 1 number, 1 extraction
Last Saturday:
1 set, 1 lay
Friday:
4 sets, 2 makeouts, 1 number, 1 extraction (ASD when we couldn't find a taxi)
Saturday:
1 set, 1 makeout, fingering, 1 number
(yes...I get a little ego-kick out of writing that. But it serves a purpose too)
So, I am far far FAR ahead of schedule.
Which means that it is time to take stock, assess my goals and vision and see what I want to do with myself.
BRUTALLY SPEAKING:
The girls are not TURBO TURBO TURBO hot. Obviously last Friday's debacle was well-documented here on this blog, the low point of the week. The girl from Friday was hot, the girl from last Saturday was hot, but again we're talking more in the '8 out of 10' area.
My good man Jedi was always a big proponent of the Turbo Challenge so I think this is a good aim.
I'm wondering if I'm on some sort of quixotic quest to find the Holy Grail or some other shit...like Ozzie says, this rate of closing is 'top level'. Yet I'm still searching for something 'more'.
That 'more' is inside me though, it isn't in the girls. More on this later...
Anyway, I've gotten back into the swing of things like a duck to water. With the solid base established, its time to look at ways to improve yet further.
I'm thinking:
1. Its time for 4 nights a week again. Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat, with an optional Monday night.
2. Sober again.
3. Play it smart. If its a work night, then bail at 1am unless I've already pulled or have a hot link set up. This way I'm going to be getting reasonable sleeping time.
4. Turbo times again.
I've done all these challenges before but now its about doing them at an even higher level, consistently, and at the same time. It's that kind of thing when you really feel the enthusiasm and excitement of what lies ahead.
Good times!
Saturday, 17 January 2009
16/01/09
Fun night, though it got a bit messy as the night wore on.
I think that I'm kind of identified with a couple of roles that I like to 'play'. One is the shambolic funny guy who does ridiculous things, and the other is the hard-nosed player who doesn't give a fuck.
I decided that the second option had to go because it isn't a good mentality to carry in life as a whole. Of course neither of these roles are really *me* so there is still work to be done. In Edinburgh last week I was not playing a role, but last night I slipped into that first role.
It means I get some moments of genius, like this:
ME: Oi, pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: You look like a pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: Where's your beard?
GIRL: I don't have one.
ME: You should get one.
GIRL: So should you.
ME: Ha, I shaved earlier. I also exfoliated. Look, feel my face.
GIRL: Wow, that's smooth!
ME: Not as smooth as this...*makeout*
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...
Its something that limits my success in a way too. Makes me feel less of a man somehow. Almost as if the humour and the wackiness is both 'playing to the crowds' but also a way of defusing tension/anxiety in myself.
I also need to watch myself and remain humble. Because I think a lot of the game is kinda funny, but I have to be careful not to see myself as above the process now I can get laid regularly.
I mean, at the minute I'm not really doing many sets. I did 4 last night, got two makeouts, and extracted one - this cute awesome-bodied girl - only for her to ASD at the taxi rank (Reason: I did not lead 100%...); I did two sets in Edinburgh last Saturday and got laid.
So I guess a 50% return is good, but its not necessarily getting me the mass experience to push on to the next level. I have a choice right now...have fun and fool around and stay roughly around the same level, or get back to the process and putting the time in and get to the very top level.
I want to be at that top level - and I believe I can get there no big deal - but I guess I'm just having so much fun clowning around, and still getting results, so sometimes I just can't be arsed knuckling down. But, its what I want so I owe it to myself to do it.
I think that I'm kind of identified with a couple of roles that I like to 'play'. One is the shambolic funny guy who does ridiculous things, and the other is the hard-nosed player who doesn't give a fuck.
I decided that the second option had to go because it isn't a good mentality to carry in life as a whole. Of course neither of these roles are really *me* so there is still work to be done. In Edinburgh last week I was not playing a role, but last night I slipped into that first role.
It means I get some moments of genius, like this:
ME: Oi, pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: You look like a pirate.
GIRL: What?
ME: Where's your beard?
GIRL: I don't have one.
ME: You should get one.
GIRL: So should you.
ME: Ha, I shaved earlier. I also exfoliated. Look, feel my face.
GIRL: Wow, that's smooth!
ME: Not as smooth as this...*makeout*
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT...
Its something that limits my success in a way too. Makes me feel less of a man somehow. Almost as if the humour and the wackiness is both 'playing to the crowds' but also a way of defusing tension/anxiety in myself.
I also need to watch myself and remain humble. Because I think a lot of the game is kinda funny, but I have to be careful not to see myself as above the process now I can get laid regularly.
I mean, at the minute I'm not really doing many sets. I did 4 last night, got two makeouts, and extracted one - this cute awesome-bodied girl - only for her to ASD at the taxi rank (Reason: I did not lead 100%...); I did two sets in Edinburgh last Saturday and got laid.
So I guess a 50% return is good, but its not necessarily getting me the mass experience to push on to the next level. I have a choice right now...have fun and fool around and stay roughly around the same level, or get back to the process and putting the time in and get to the very top level.
I want to be at that top level - and I believe I can get there no big deal - but I guess I'm just having so much fun clowning around, and still getting results, so sometimes I just can't be arsed knuckling down. But, its what I want so I owe it to myself to do it.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
In Answer to IvánPérez:
"Spontaneity is KEY because it's natural, it communicates all the right things. Be creative.
I'm loving the blog keep up the good things.
P.S. Could you clarify "I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there". Concretely this last part.
-IvánPérez"
OK.
What I am talking about here is verbal escalation in your interactions.
My 'PU style' is quite cheeky. Its quite immature too, and I will say things that really do push what other people consider acceptable quite early on. Please note that this isn't done to get a reaction. This is just the bizarre, childlike humour I have. Its something that has just naturally developed for me; maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.
Anyway, an example from Saturday night. This is within 30 seconds of opening two girls.
The hottie is stressing over something on her phone, so I ask her what's up:
GIRL: My ex keeps texting me; I wish he'd go away.
ME: Ex...
GIRL: Yes. He cheated on me with a brazilian stripper.
ME: ...A small part of me wants to 'high five' him for that.
FRIEND: WHAT THE FUCK?
ME: Well, if you're going to go out, go out in style.
GIRL: *laughs, smiles*
OK...that's pretty hardcore. But it all ties into the model that Alex RSD talks about a lot, about naturally saying what YOU think is amusing, which tends to generate shit-tests, which you can then pass with wit (*precisely because you are not looking for reactions or permission – see 'Spontaneous Combustion' post and Halfull's comment) and therefore generate more attraction.
Similarly, I also know now that she is a pretty chilled out girl, who doesn't take herself too seriously.
Of course, there are certain things you should not joke about, and certain things you should simply not say. You shouldn't be saying things because you want to belittle someone, or enjoy the schadenfreude, for example. It is not about setting out to hurt. We are not in the business of bad vibes. This is the social calibration issue you have to understand.
Jedi said in an old post on RSDN that, in his opinion, natural game calibration was more about overstepping the mark and then being able to bring it back and recover.
BUT BEWARE...I am not going out thinking 'Oh I have to say some outrageous things now!'; it isn't really about that. Its just that this kind of ridiculous conversation seems to happen to me quite naturally. When it comes to verbal interaction and cheekiness, I would rather err on the side of 'too much' than 'too little'.
Put comments if you want to discuss further!
PS. I have changed the comments settings, so now all readers can add comments regardless of whether they have an account or not.
I'm loving the blog keep up the good things.
P.S. Could you clarify "I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there". Concretely this last part.
-IvánPérez"
OK.
What I am talking about here is verbal escalation in your interactions.
My 'PU style' is quite cheeky. Its quite immature too, and I will say things that really do push what other people consider acceptable quite early on. Please note that this isn't done to get a reaction. This is just the bizarre, childlike humour I have. Its something that has just naturally developed for me; maybe it will work for you, maybe it won't.
Anyway, an example from Saturday night. This is within 30 seconds of opening two girls.
The hottie is stressing over something on her phone, so I ask her what's up:
GIRL: My ex keeps texting me; I wish he'd go away.
ME: Ex...
GIRL: Yes. He cheated on me with a brazilian stripper.
ME: ...A small part of me wants to 'high five' him for that.
FRIEND: WHAT THE FUCK?
ME: Well, if you're going to go out, go out in style.
GIRL: *laughs, smiles*
OK...that's pretty hardcore. But it all ties into the model that Alex RSD talks about a lot, about naturally saying what YOU think is amusing, which tends to generate shit-tests, which you can then pass with wit (*precisely because you are not looking for reactions or permission – see 'Spontaneous Combustion' post and Halfull's comment) and therefore generate more attraction.
Similarly, I also know now that she is a pretty chilled out girl, who doesn't take herself too seriously.
Of course, there are certain things you should not joke about, and certain things you should simply not say. You shouldn't be saying things because you want to belittle someone, or enjoy the schadenfreude, for example. It is not about setting out to hurt. We are not in the business of bad vibes. This is the social calibration issue you have to understand.
Jedi said in an old post on RSDN that, in his opinion, natural game calibration was more about overstepping the mark and then being able to bring it back and recover.
BUT BEWARE...I am not going out thinking 'Oh I have to say some outrageous things now!'; it isn't really about that. Its just that this kind of ridiculous conversation seems to happen to me quite naturally. When it comes to verbal interaction and cheekiness, I would rather err on the side of 'too much' than 'too little'.
Put comments if you want to discuss further!
PS. I have changed the comments settings, so now all readers can add comments regardless of whether they have an account or not.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
One Night In Edinburgh
Edinburgh is a beautiful city. Beautiful...but very cold, very wet, and very dark.
The mood was high as the Newcastle CREW rolled out on its first road trip of 2009. Myself, Xavier, Potto, Liam~ and Rush were all travelling up to Edinburgh for a 'One Night Special'; I'd arranged it 2 days previous because I wanted to get out of Newcastle for a weekend and there is this great city almost literally on our doorstep.
With the help of some guys on the 'Nation, we had our list of clubs all worked out. Roughly speaking, we had grouped them into 3 distinct foodgroups, of which we could work our way down as the night wore on:
-HIGH QUALITY VENUES
-PARTY TIMES
-CHEAP DIVES...
It turned out I didn't need to leave the first food group, as we were walking down George Street about 11pm looking for a party, and Xav popped open a 2 set. German girls. I can't remember what I said but it was cocky enough to get my girl engaged, and we convinced them to come with us into 'The Dome', a really cool bar.
The girl I am with is 24 year old, black-haired German. She is...hot. Red pencil skirt, cute heels and outrageous breasts. After we walked in hand-in-hand, I went to the bathroom and when I came back - no girls.
Hmmm.
So I'm talking with one of the Crew, while the rest of the boys are hanging out with the girls now on the other side of the bar. They'd gone to the bar while I was at the bathroom. For about 1 month, my MO has been 'low key, chilled out game', and tonight was no exception. I know the girls are there, and they know I know they are there, but I keep chatting with my mate. Why wouldn't I? Yes the girl is hot but I hardly know her. Not enough to go out of my way.
I walk back over after about 5 minutes and re-engage my girl. For the next hour we chilled in the venue and got close. I REALLY chilled out my kino, and think I only went for the kiss after about 45mins - 1hr. My priority here was to simply befriend the girl and her friend, and have fun. I was not hung up on outcome - though I was getting increasingly attracted to my girl. She was smart, funny, attractive, and had real self-esteem. I love contintental women!
From an outer game perspective, there were three points of note:
1. Useful, imaginitve ways of isolating: 'Lets sneak into the VIP section'
2. Very subtle and 'friendly' (not player-type) kino - what I mean by this is that there were protective hugs and forehead kisses and basically POSITIVE DOMINANCE. The chemistry was happening verbally so there was no need to press it physically at this early point. I typically get attraction very easily (Xav pointed this out to me last night, I get a lot of attraction by doing very little), so this game was more about CONNECTING and - dare I say it? - comfort...
3. Totally chilled out and letting whatever happens, happen. She wants to go off with her friend to smoke? Cool. She will be back. Full Shadow Lording - sit back and let her game you ;)
Seriously though, I liked this girl and it is hard not to feel that bond with us. Xav said we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend.
About an hour in, and Xav and myself are with the two girls, the Crew has departed, and we decide to venue change. Go to a nearby club. Walk in with the two girls and the guys lining up alongside Death Row were just stunned at us and our girls. Happy times.
I've kissed the girl a couple of times, but not many. Me and her get some drinks and go to sit down - away from Xav & his girl. We start kissing now but NOT TOO MUCH - I know that this girl is going to stick with her friend so I cannot go all out, as then I would burn out. This is an operation in 'pacing'. We've got 2 hours till the club closes. There is no hurry.
I start fingering her a little, but teasing her mostly. Xav is going for the extraction with his girl - he has a city centre bed for the night - so I pass him a condom and wish them well. Game on. This means I can go for the extraction sooner.
Which I do, after about another ten minutes. As we are leaving, the girl remembers her coat is in the cloakroom. And she wants it. But the ticket is with her friend. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. The cloakroom woman won't let us have the jacket without the ticket so she phones her friend - sorry Xav - and they come back. Something went wrong in their alleyway adventures and the vibe seems a bit wierd.
We get our jackets and start to walk the streets. I protect my girl from the cold and keep pulling her away from her friend to kiss, then running to catch back up. Its a fun game. However, the double pull is not on - at this point anyway. The girls need a bathroom so we go into another club - a Mexican one. This place is very cool! By now we are about 2.5 hrs in and my girl and I are totally smitten. We are walking the fine line between sexual spark and cherishing. But...we are walking that line pretty well indeed ;)
Go inside, chat chill and relax. Again, zero panic whatsoever from me. After about 30 minutes, Xavier's girl decides she wants to go home - without us. Ouch. Xav starts to panic, I just tell him, 'Mate, I honestly do not mind. I am having a great time regardless. If they want to go home together, then they can. I've had a great time anyway.'
This vibe of utter non-neediness and positivity is presumably picked up by my girl who hands me her phone number without me asking. She says, 'Call me in 20 minutes, I want you to come over'.
20 minutes pass, Xav and I have supped some Corona's and chatted some girls, and I have forgotten to call her. So she calls me. Wonderful stuff.
Straight away, I get logistics - what hotel, what road, what room. Done. Xav's girl tells him down the phone to bring some champagne. We don't...
However, we do trek for 30 minutes to just find a damn taxi. Its horrible weather, I've had 4 hours sleep and it is 3:30am. When we eventually get to the hotel, we walk in, ignore Security Boy, and I call my girl. She is suprised, but happy, I am here.
Go to the room and get in. We all collapse on the same bed. Second time in two days...seems like God wants me to have a foursome at some point in my life?/??
Anyway, as Xav starts talking to his girl, I venture that we should give some space and we'll chill on the sofa. We get on, she gets on me, we kiss, I finger her and she gets my cock out. We fall off the sofa onto the floor and, with my semi-erect cock bobbing around in the night air, all I can see is Xav getting under the covers with his girl. I don't think I want to fuck like this...think THINK THINK!!!!
Bathroom is a no go - she won't have it. Nor is the hotel corridor, or the cleaner's cupboard. Shit, there is only one thing for it - rent a room. The reception dude is a bit surprised at first that we want to rent a room at 4am but quickly cottons on, and gives me his staff discount of 20%. Still expensive, but fair enough. :)
We get a room, and its on straight away. Zero LMR. Girl is amazing in bed, and great company, super cool. Pity she lives at the other end of the country to me. I reflect on 'solid game' and of the benefits of actually connecting with the girl you like, and think about how crazy life is.
The mood was high as the Newcastle CREW rolled out on its first road trip of 2009. Myself, Xavier, Potto, Liam~ and Rush were all travelling up to Edinburgh for a 'One Night Special'; I'd arranged it 2 days previous because I wanted to get out of Newcastle for a weekend and there is this great city almost literally on our doorstep.
With the help of some guys on the 'Nation, we had our list of clubs all worked out. Roughly speaking, we had grouped them into 3 distinct foodgroups, of which we could work our way down as the night wore on:
-HIGH QUALITY VENUES
-PARTY TIMES
-CHEAP DIVES...
It turned out I didn't need to leave the first food group, as we were walking down George Street about 11pm looking for a party, and Xav popped open a 2 set. German girls. I can't remember what I said but it was cocky enough to get my girl engaged, and we convinced them to come with us into 'The Dome', a really cool bar.
The girl I am with is 24 year old, black-haired German. She is...hot. Red pencil skirt, cute heels and outrageous breasts. After we walked in hand-in-hand, I went to the bathroom and when I came back - no girls.
Hmmm.
So I'm talking with one of the Crew, while the rest of the boys are hanging out with the girls now on the other side of the bar. They'd gone to the bar while I was at the bathroom. For about 1 month, my MO has been 'low key, chilled out game', and tonight was no exception. I know the girls are there, and they know I know they are there, but I keep chatting with my mate. Why wouldn't I? Yes the girl is hot but I hardly know her. Not enough to go out of my way.
I walk back over after about 5 minutes and re-engage my girl. For the next hour we chilled in the venue and got close. I REALLY chilled out my kino, and think I only went for the kiss after about 45mins - 1hr. My priority here was to simply befriend the girl and her friend, and have fun. I was not hung up on outcome - though I was getting increasingly attracted to my girl. She was smart, funny, attractive, and had real self-esteem. I love contintental women!
From an outer game perspective, there were three points of note:
1. Useful, imaginitve ways of isolating: 'Lets sneak into the VIP section'
2. Very subtle and 'friendly' (not player-type) kino - what I mean by this is that there were protective hugs and forehead kisses and basically POSITIVE DOMINANCE. The chemistry was happening verbally so there was no need to press it physically at this early point. I typically get attraction very easily (Xav pointed this out to me last night, I get a lot of attraction by doing very little), so this game was more about CONNECTING and - dare I say it? - comfort...
3. Totally chilled out and letting whatever happens, happen. She wants to go off with her friend to smoke? Cool. She will be back. Full Shadow Lording - sit back and let her game you ;)
Seriously though, I liked this girl and it is hard not to feel that bond with us. Xav said we looked like boyfriend and girlfriend.
About an hour in, and Xav and myself are with the two girls, the Crew has departed, and we decide to venue change. Go to a nearby club. Walk in with the two girls and the guys lining up alongside Death Row were just stunned at us and our girls. Happy times.
I've kissed the girl a couple of times, but not many. Me and her get some drinks and go to sit down - away from Xav & his girl. We start kissing now but NOT TOO MUCH - I know that this girl is going to stick with her friend so I cannot go all out, as then I would burn out. This is an operation in 'pacing'. We've got 2 hours till the club closes. There is no hurry.
I start fingering her a little, but teasing her mostly. Xav is going for the extraction with his girl - he has a city centre bed for the night - so I pass him a condom and wish them well. Game on. This means I can go for the extraction sooner.
Which I do, after about another ten minutes. As we are leaving, the girl remembers her coat is in the cloakroom. And she wants it. But the ticket is with her friend. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. The cloakroom woman won't let us have the jacket without the ticket so she phones her friend - sorry Xav - and they come back. Something went wrong in their alleyway adventures and the vibe seems a bit wierd.
We get our jackets and start to walk the streets. I protect my girl from the cold and keep pulling her away from her friend to kiss, then running to catch back up. Its a fun game. However, the double pull is not on - at this point anyway. The girls need a bathroom so we go into another club - a Mexican one. This place is very cool! By now we are about 2.5 hrs in and my girl and I are totally smitten. We are walking the fine line between sexual spark and cherishing. But...we are walking that line pretty well indeed ;)
Go inside, chat chill and relax. Again, zero panic whatsoever from me. After about 30 minutes, Xavier's girl decides she wants to go home - without us. Ouch. Xav starts to panic, I just tell him, 'Mate, I honestly do not mind. I am having a great time regardless. If they want to go home together, then they can. I've had a great time anyway.'
This vibe of utter non-neediness and positivity is presumably picked up by my girl who hands me her phone number without me asking. She says, 'Call me in 20 minutes, I want you to come over'.
20 minutes pass, Xav and I have supped some Corona's and chatted some girls, and I have forgotten to call her. So she calls me. Wonderful stuff.
Straight away, I get logistics - what hotel, what road, what room. Done. Xav's girl tells him down the phone to bring some champagne. We don't...
However, we do trek for 30 minutes to just find a damn taxi. Its horrible weather, I've had 4 hours sleep and it is 3:30am. When we eventually get to the hotel, we walk in, ignore Security Boy, and I call my girl. She is suprised, but happy, I am here.
Go to the room and get in. We all collapse on the same bed. Second time in two days...seems like God wants me to have a foursome at some point in my life?/??
Anyway, as Xav starts talking to his girl, I venture that we should give some space and we'll chill on the sofa. We get on, she gets on me, we kiss, I finger her and she gets my cock out. We fall off the sofa onto the floor and, with my semi-erect cock bobbing around in the night air, all I can see is Xav getting under the covers with his girl. I don't think I want to fuck like this...think THINK THINK!!!!
Bathroom is a no go - she won't have it. Nor is the hotel corridor, or the cleaner's cupboard. Shit, there is only one thing for it - rent a room. The reception dude is a bit surprised at first that we want to rent a room at 4am but quickly cottons on, and gives me his staff discount of 20%. Still expensive, but fair enough. :)
We get a room, and its on straight away. Zero LMR. Girl is amazing in bed, and great company, super cool. Pity she lives at the other end of the country to me. I reflect on 'solid game' and of the benefits of actually connecting with the girl you like, and think about how crazy life is.
Friday, 9 January 2009
Friday Night, 4AM
It's about 4am GMT; and I've just left a guaranteed shag and a potential threesome in the simple interests of getting some sleep.
It was one of those nights - fuelled on a desire to get over the ex, I had somewhat drunkenly decided that 'GFTOW' was my MO and I was going to accomplish it as fast as possible. I was aiming for The Weekend Hat-Trick.
So, sparked up on jagerbulls to lift me out of my ennui, it is almost too easy when you are chatting to a girl and say, 'I don't know how I am getting home tonight', and she replies, 'Its OK, I will drive you back in the morning'. Nevermind that she is - in old school community parlance - about a '4', I'm smashed and I need to reduce my GFTOW to GFNOW ASAP.
Earlier on during the night I had some guys - community or just recognised me from around the town - slagging me off. Curious.
I could not shake the vibe of my ex 100%. It was still there a little. Ozzie said to me, 'Try not to compare girls to your ex in terms of body or looks', but it is hard when my ex was a bonafide stunner.
So I am with this girl. I move her inside, build compliance. Tell her we really need to leave, she wants to find her friend. We find her friend, have fun, and I find a guy for her. Each girl is now paired off with a guy and we get a taxi back to the girls.
We all go into the same bedroom. I'm a little confused at this stage.
Another housemate comes in. Starts kicking off. Me and the other guy - Greg, top bloke - start discussing how to bailski on the joint. I've just come out of a relationship and am only into hassle-free existence right now, so negotiating raged-up housemates is of little desire right now.
The girls go upstairs. Me and Greg leave. The girl I was with begs me to come back inside. I tell her that I don't want any hassle and 'I am a big fan of sleep' - she storms off and slams the door.
So, here I am, sex free at 4am. Hmmmm. Part of me thinks about my ex, maybe she is with some other dude right now, though I doubt it knowing her. There's always that worry for me when a girl is super-hot. Guys hit on her 25/7.
I suppose this is just the game of life, and we learn through the pain and worry. I wished so much that I was perfect this first time around, but I wasn't. I don't know how many times I will need to 'practice', but hopefully it isn't many.
Because this club scene, ultimately, does not compare right now. In my opinion, at least. Its fun but thats all it is.
It was one of those nights - fuelled on a desire to get over the ex, I had somewhat drunkenly decided that 'GFTOW' was my MO and I was going to accomplish it as fast as possible. I was aiming for The Weekend Hat-Trick.
So, sparked up on jagerbulls to lift me out of my ennui, it is almost too easy when you are chatting to a girl and say, 'I don't know how I am getting home tonight', and she replies, 'Its OK, I will drive you back in the morning'. Nevermind that she is - in old school community parlance - about a '4', I'm smashed and I need to reduce my GFTOW to GFNOW ASAP.
Earlier on during the night I had some guys - community or just recognised me from around the town - slagging me off. Curious.
I could not shake the vibe of my ex 100%. It was still there a little. Ozzie said to me, 'Try not to compare girls to your ex in terms of body or looks', but it is hard when my ex was a bonafide stunner.
So I am with this girl. I move her inside, build compliance. Tell her we really need to leave, she wants to find her friend. We find her friend, have fun, and I find a guy for her. Each girl is now paired off with a guy and we get a taxi back to the girls.
We all go into the same bedroom. I'm a little confused at this stage.
Another housemate comes in. Starts kicking off. Me and the other guy - Greg, top bloke - start discussing how to bailski on the joint. I've just come out of a relationship and am only into hassle-free existence right now, so negotiating raged-up housemates is of little desire right now.
The girls go upstairs. Me and Greg leave. The girl I was with begs me to come back inside. I tell her that I don't want any hassle and 'I am a big fan of sleep' - she storms off and slams the door.
So, here I am, sex free at 4am. Hmmmm. Part of me thinks about my ex, maybe she is with some other dude right now, though I doubt it knowing her. There's always that worry for me when a girl is super-hot. Guys hit on her 25/7.
I suppose this is just the game of life, and we learn through the pain and worry. I wished so much that I was perfect this first time around, but I wasn't. I don't know how many times I will need to 'practice', but hopefully it isn't many.
Because this club scene, ultimately, does not compare right now. In my opinion, at least. Its fun but thats all it is.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Spontaneous Combustion
Some of the crap that comes out of my mouth never fails to amuse me.
Example from last night:
I opened up this group of 3 girls. I pulled Chris in with, 'This is Chris, he needs somewhere to put his jacket. He's a man of many layers', then we split the set and I was one-on-one with this brunette girl. I'm not exactly into her but she said something - I can't remember what but it was basically a shit test - and my response was, for some reason, to grab her nose between my thumb and forefinger and wiggle it about making baby noises.
I have no idea why I decided this would be a good idea, I just went with the feeling. And it turned out to be a good idea, because after that she was giving me all the signs to kiss.
This kind of thing doesn't always translate in text but, in my mind at least, it works because of spontaniety. That thrill of flying by the seat of your pants and not really having a clue if something is going to work but you're doing it simply because you think it is amusing and will be funny. That thrill, that unpredictability, that challenge is something girls love.
But you cannot do this without complete and utter self-trust. I still doubt myself at times, mostly when I'm getting ready to go out. My mind sometimes runs through a checklist of queries - 'What am I going to do if xyz happens?', 'What if I see so-and-so?' - but when I put on my music, and put my head in the place it needs to be, I forget all these doubts.
And when you don't have those doubts, you can go up to a girl and say and do whatever you want. At very best, I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there. At worst, you get a shit test which you negotiate accordingly and build further attraction.
Example:
I opened up this mixed set - two guys, two girls - at the tail-end of last night, and was telling the girl that I couldn't hear her. So I decided we would use one of the guys in the set as a translator.
Now, the guy is quite cool and translates what she says to me as, 'Go as far aways as possible, right now'. To which I burst out laughing and joking with the girl, 'Oh you didn't say that??! Oh no! Haha' etcetera etcetera, and undercut the guy completely. The two guys shortly leave, and now its just me and the two girls.
Example from last night:
I opened up this group of 3 girls. I pulled Chris in with, 'This is Chris, he needs somewhere to put his jacket. He's a man of many layers', then we split the set and I was one-on-one with this brunette girl. I'm not exactly into her but she said something - I can't remember what but it was basically a shit test - and my response was, for some reason, to grab her nose between my thumb and forefinger and wiggle it about making baby noises.
I have no idea why I decided this would be a good idea, I just went with the feeling. And it turned out to be a good idea, because after that she was giving me all the signs to kiss.
This kind of thing doesn't always translate in text but, in my mind at least, it works because of spontaniety. That thrill of flying by the seat of your pants and not really having a clue if something is going to work but you're doing it simply because you think it is amusing and will be funny. That thrill, that unpredictability, that challenge is something girls love.
But you cannot do this without complete and utter self-trust. I still doubt myself at times, mostly when I'm getting ready to go out. My mind sometimes runs through a checklist of queries - 'What am I going to do if xyz happens?', 'What if I see so-and-so?' - but when I put on my music, and put my head in the place it needs to be, I forget all these doubts.
And when you don't have those doubts, you can go up to a girl and say and do whatever you want. At very best, I will push a girl to her boundaries very fast, then explore from there. At worst, you get a shit test which you negotiate accordingly and build further attraction.
Example:
I opened up this mixed set - two guys, two girls - at the tail-end of last night, and was telling the girl that I couldn't hear her. So I decided we would use one of the guys in the set as a translator.
Now, the guy is quite cool and translates what she says to me as, 'Go as far aways as possible, right now'. To which I burst out laughing and joking with the girl, 'Oh you didn't say that??! Oh no! Haha' etcetera etcetera, and undercut the guy completely. The two guys shortly leave, and now its just me and the two girls.
For some reason, my girl thinks I am a tourist. She tells me how quiet the city is at this time of year, and notes, 'You've come too soon', to which I say:
'That's always the problem, isn't it darling?' ;)
The thing is, a situation like this can't be legislated for in advance. You can't think to yourself, 'Oh what if I decide to use a guy as a translator and then he says this and I say that?'...its impossible. All that you can really have is the self-trust that you can handle all of the challenges that the night will throw at you, and use your unstifled wit to take that situation and use it as a platform to generate yet more attraction.
Don't get me wrong - this is as much a note to myself as anyone reading this. But I think that this is what it all comes down to when I see the 'top guys' - they have ABSOLUTE TRUST in themselves and their value. There is not a single shred of doubt that exists within them.
PS. Thanks for all who dropped comments in my first entry! I appreciate it. Hopefully this blog is going to be an enjoyable read for all...:)
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